The One Where I Review

Maybe it's too early to look back on 2015? I'm feeling rusty and it's only March 17!  Oh yea.  St. Patricks Day!  Ooops I'm not wearing green.

Although I wear it often enough.  Green with envy.   Like why can't I write like that, be funny like that, have a blog like that, be "that church lady" the one who seems to float on clouds and is kind to everyone she meets, be "that kind" of parent instead of #thatmom, have that kind of marriage, run a better race, figuratively and literally.

Instead I hobble along.... I have goals, lofty goals, maybe too many goals.  Perhaps it's more than I can realistically complete.    Now that I've left my job, perhaps I'll have better success at the "high-ness" of what I'd like to achieve.

In the book Goodbye Survival Mode, one I highly recommend, she encouraged you to look at the categories of your life and make goals based on those.  As well as time goals.

I'm pretty sure I didn't blog about my oneword for 2015.  But it's Progress (not Perfection).  I need to strive for progress because there's no road to perfection that doesn't leave me battered and worn.

Basic Goals:

Read More
Run More
Date More
Blog More

Breaking that down:

Read More:  The Bible In A Year, SRT Devotionals, 1 30-day book per month, 12 books

Run More: I'm on a team #HeySisterSoleSisters for the Run The Edge Challenge to run 2015 in 2015.  I've also decided not to race this year, but to get healthy and run better.  The Challenge keeps me focused without spending money on racing and really I'm just not that into it.   My Milage goal is 800 miles this year.  That's roughly 67 miles per month.

Date More: I'm not single so I don't mean "dating" but Dating Consistently.   Monthly date nights with my man.  One on one time with each of my kids.  Family Day with my siblings.  Meet my friends for coffee.   Hang out after runs.  Connect with the world around me.

Blog More:  The only way to blog more is to Blog More. It's not like I'm looking to make a career out of my thoughts, although that thought sounds nice.  It's that I need to talk about my kids, my family, my life.  I don't scrap book and I've never done well with keeping baby books filled out.  I journal, a lot, well I used to.  But now that I'm in that purging state of life... what I like to refer to as Clear The Clutter, Find A Life Worth Living.... so those boxes of journals in the attic need to go!  

There's only one thing left, Blog.

So how I am doing?  Well, I'm making progress.

Reading.  Weeeellll, I'm not exactly on Day XX in my bible in a year, but I've made it past Genesis!  I've read one 30-day book thus far.  I read SRT and occasionally participate in the forum.   I've read at least two books this year and three more books are in "process".

Run: Making Progress.  Not as much as I would like but Mother Nature hates me.  More accurately I dislike Old Man Winter.   Winter in Texas can be hit or miss.  Mild weather or ice, sleet, and snow.   This year was ice, sleet, snow and bitter cold  (for Texas).  And I just won't go out in it.  I.Just.Won't.

138 miles for the year.   Not where I'd like to be, but there's progress and Spring is coming!

Dating: Meh.  One Date Night, One Girls Night Out, Two Family Days, One Coffee Date, A few Hang Outs.  I'm making progress!


Blogs: Shrug.  There is room for improvement.  Lots of room.  This is my third blog this month!  My goal is 1 per week, per subject.  The One Where I... #iamTHATmom and Five Minute Friday


Which also brings me to less clutter.  I've been going through closets and boxes.  I'm purging around here.  I've made a lot of progress.  Things tossed, given away and shredded.  I literally have shredded paperwork from nearly 20 years ago!  Seriously, things have needed to be gone through and discarded.    I've taken multiple lawn and leaf bags to the recycle bins.   Progress for sure!

There's still more to do.  Clear more clutter.  Let go of more things that are holding us down. Shredding to be done.   Books to be read.  Miles to be run.  Dates to remember.  :)

Progress.  I like it.  :)

I Am That Mom - Dating

In this age of social media and text messages and immaturity life can be painful, not only for the kids but for the parents.

Here's a brief history of this school year.   The kiddo started off the year with the same girlfriend (Girl 1) he'd had over the summer... when I say "over the summer" I mean they hadn't spoken since the end of the school year.   So there was lots of anticipation for their relationship status on the first day of school.

A few weeks into the school year she breaks up with him via a mutual friend (Girl 2).   I get it, they grew apart over the summer.  Her parents have strict (read: Good) rules.  No Social Media.  No calling and texting boys we don't know or know their parents.   All good.   However,  amid many attempts on our part to meet them it didn't come to fruition.

Then he "goes out" with the mutual friend, who breaks up with him publicly and "for no reason".  As any mom can imagine she's not on my "favorites" list.   This is followed by a string of other girls. We'll call them 3 - 6.  Much to my disapproval.

Right before Winter Break he's back with Girl 2, and then breaks up with her via a mutual friend (Girl 7) due to extenuating circumstances.

He and Girl 7 seem to hit it off and then Bam! Awkward public breakup at school and "for no reason".  Again, not on my favorites list.

There is no girl on my favorites list.... not because I think anyone is "too good" for my son but because he's at the tender age of 14.   His brain isn't fully grown or functioning.

As I had a recent conversation with some youth girls... the Bible doesn't mention dating only preparing for marriage.   To which she said she's waiting like the Israelites for God.   It was all I could do to say to her.  The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years because of disobedience.

Back to my kid... so there was a bit of an intervention after the last break up.  He chatted with his friends and youth pastor and agreed to stop the game of "monkey bars" for two months.   So at the end of April he can "date" again according to them.    I still think that 14 is too young and too much of am emotional time.  Not that anyone listens to me.

After Girl 7 and his behavior following, we took his phone privileges away for one month.  Once off restriction he broke the rules nearly immediately and now will be off social media indefinitely.

He isn't allowed to friend people he doesn't know in real life.  Not "passing in the school hall" type of knowing.  Real Life, he has classes with them, goes to church with them, they are a relative... yea cuz I Am That Mom!

He isn't allowed to talk on the phone with people he doesn't know in real life.... cuz I Am That Mom!

He isn't allowed to have a girlfriend, an official girlfriend until/unless:

1) We meet her parents
2) Her parents know she is dating, are okay that she's dating
3) Her parents want to meet my son and his parents

Not that I an enforce it:
4) Over 16 years old
5) Is driving
6) Has a job.

I'm not paying for your dates.... cuz I Am That Mom!  

The One Where God Knows My Shoe Size

She Reads Truth... these girls bring it every time.  Every.Time.  And I'm forced to look at the mess around me and I don't want to.

This is just where I am and where I am not.  Needing to repent of my repentance.  Wanted to be washed and yet soaking in a tub of my own striving and pride.  I see the ruins but don't acknowledge them as such.  I see it how I want it to be.  Living in the fiction or fantasy section of my heart. 

Yet the ruins are all around me.  I sit atop the rubble and......  I quit my job because of the toxic environment.....just in time for my teenagers depressed meltdown....just in time to not really want to deal with anything or anyone.   I've wanted to run away more as an adult than I ever did as a child and well, there are books and medication for my childhood.

So I sit here app in hand, coffee in hand, rending.... What I don't really know. 

Amanda. She's my soul sister. I see me...In her writing.  Yesterday she talked about avoiding.

I do that.   I avoid.

Because going through is too hard. And there are a lot of "what ifs" about getting to the other side.

And I take FDR literally when he says, The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' 

So I'm even afraid of fear.    

I don't want to go through. I just want to be on the other side.   I don't want to repent, I just want to be cleansed. I just want Calgon to take me away.   Oops did I really say it out loud?  Did you hear that? I thought it was just in my head. 

I don't want to look at the rubble around me, I want to see what was or what could be. Not what is. 

And so I lament. Wait? I lament? Nooooo.... This is where God takes a cue from Tom Jones and says, 'Act your age, not your shoe size' and I'm pretty sure He's familiar with my shoe size.

To lament means, to mourn, to grieve, to weep or wail, to express sorrow. 

I'm not lamenting.  I'm soooo totally not lamenting. 

I'm not mourning or even weeping.  I'm complaining.  

Why God Why? 

When God When? 

Woe is me 

Why is all of this so hard and when are You gonna fix things (to my standards) and make it a little more comfortable? A little more? Ha! I meant cushy and care-free.  You know the one... right the kind where Hello, My Name Is Child Of The One True King.  Where I sit on the throne and ask God to serve me.  I wear my tiara, the one I gave myself through works and order God around.

Not the one where I sit on the pile of rubble with Godly Grief. 

If I'm honest and when have you known me not to be I don't have Godly Grief. 

I have 'good grief'. 

As in 'good grief Charlie Brown'