Maybe it's too early to look back on 2015? I'm feeling rusty and it's only March 17! Oh yea. St. Patricks Day! Ooops I'm not wearing green.
Although I wear it often enough. Green with envy. Like why can't I write like that, be funny like that, have a blog like that, be "that church lady" the one who seems to float on clouds and is kind to everyone she meets, be "that kind" of parent instead of #thatmom, have that kind of marriage, run a better race, figuratively and literally.
Instead I hobble along.... I have goals, lofty goals, maybe too many goals. Perhaps it's more than I can realistically complete. Now that I've left my job, perhaps I'll have better success at the "high-ness" of what I'd like to achieve.
In the book Goodbye Survival Mode, one I highly recommend, she encouraged you to look at the categories of your life and make goals based on those. As well as time goals.
I'm pretty sure I didn't blog about my oneword for 2015. But it's Progress (not Perfection). I need to strive for progress because there's no road to perfection that doesn't leave me battered and worn.
Basic Goals:
Read More
Run More
Date More
Blog More
Breaking that down:
Read More: The Bible In A Year, SRT Devotionals, 1 30-day book per month, 12 books
Run More: I'm on a team #HeySisterSoleSisters for the Run The Edge Challenge to run 2015 in 2015. I've also decided not to race this year, but to get healthy and run better. The Challenge keeps me focused without spending money on racing and really I'm just not that into it. My Milage goal is 800 miles this year. That's roughly 67 miles per month.
Date More: I'm not single so I don't mean "dating" but Dating Consistently. Monthly date nights with my man. One on one time with each of my kids. Family Day with my siblings. Meet my friends for coffee. Hang out after runs. Connect with the world around me.
Blog More: The only way to blog more is to Blog More. It's not like I'm looking to make a career out of my thoughts, although that thought sounds nice. It's that I need to talk about my kids, my family, my life. I don't scrap book and I've never done well with keeping baby books filled out. I journal, a lot, well I used to. But now that I'm in that purging state of life... what I like to refer to as Clear The Clutter, Find A Life Worth Living.... so those boxes of journals in the attic need to go!
There's only one thing left, Blog.
So how I am doing? Well, I'm making progress.
Reading. Weeeellll, I'm not exactly on Day XX in my bible in a year, but I've made it past Genesis! I've read one 30-day book thus far. I read SRT and occasionally participate in the forum. I've read at least two books this year and three more books are in "process".
Run: Making Progress. Not as much as I would like but Mother Nature hates me. More accurately I dislike Old Man Winter. Winter in Texas can be hit or miss. Mild weather or ice, sleet, and snow. This year was ice, sleet, snow and bitter cold (for Texas). And I just won't go out in it. I.Just.Won't.
138 miles for the year. Not where I'd like to be, but there's progress and Spring is coming!
Dating: Meh. One Date Night, One Girls Night Out, Two Family Days, One Coffee Date, A few Hang Outs. I'm making progress!
Blogs: Shrug. There is room for improvement. Lots of room. This is my third blog this month! My goal is 1 per week, per subject. The One Where I... #iamTHATmom and Five Minute Friday
Which also brings me to less clutter. I've been going through closets and boxes. I'm purging around here. I've made a lot of progress. Things tossed, given away and shredded. I literally have shredded paperwork from nearly 20 years ago! Seriously, things have needed to be gone through and discarded. I've taken multiple lawn and leaf bags to the recycle bins. Progress for sure!
There's still more to do. Clear more clutter. Let go of more things that are holding us down. Shredding to be done. Books to be read. Miles to be run. Dates to remember. :)
Progress. I like it. :)
Showing posts with label #shereadstruth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #shereadstruth. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
The One Where God Knows My Shoe Size
She Reads Truth... these girls bring it every time. Every.Time. And I'm forced to look at the mess around me and I don't want to.
This is just where I am and where I am not. Needing to repent of my repentance. Wanted to be washed and yet soaking in a tub of my own striving and pride. I see the ruins but don't acknowledge them as such. I see it how I want it to be. Living in the fictionor fantasy section of my heart.
This is just where I am and where I am not. Needing to repent of my repentance. Wanted to be washed and yet soaking in a tub of my own striving and pride. I see the ruins but don't acknowledge them as such. I see it how I want it to be. Living in the fiction
Yet the ruins are all around me. I sit atop the rubble and...... I quit my job because of the toxic environment.....just in time for my teenagers depressed meltdown....just in time to not really want to deal with anything or anyone. I've wanted to run away more as an adult than I ever did as a child and well, there are books and medication for my childhood.
So I sit here app in hand, coffee in hand, rending.... What I don't really know.
Amanda. She's my soul sister. I see me...In her writing. Yesterday she talked about avoiding.
I do that. I avoid.
Because going through is too hard. And there are a lot of "what ifs" about getting to the other side.
And I take FDR literally when he says, The only thing we have to fear is fear itself'
I do that. I avoid.
Because going through is too hard. And there are a lot of "what ifs" about getting to the other side.
And I take FDR literally when he says, The only thing we have to fear is fear itself'
So I'm even afraid of fear.
I don't want to go through. I just want to be on the other side. I don't want to repent, I just want to be cleansed. I just want Calgon to take me away. Oops did I really say it out loud? Did you hear that? I thought it was just in my head.
I don't want to look at the rubble around me, I want to see what was or what could be. Not what is.
And so I lament. Wait? I lament? Nooooo.... This is where God takes a cue from Tom Jones and says, 'Act your age, not your shoe size' and I'm pretty sure He's familiar with my shoe size.
To lament means, to mourn, to grieve, to weep or wail, to express sorrow.
I'm not lamenting. I'm soooo totally not lamenting.
I'm not mourning or even weeping. I'm complaining.
Why God Why?
When God When?
Woe is me
Why is all of this so hard and when are You gonna fix things (to my standards) and make it a little more comfortable? A little more? Ha! I meant cushy and care-free. You know the one... right the kind where Hello, My Name Is Child Of The One True King. Where I sit on the throne and ask God to serve me. I wear my tiara, the one I gave myself through works and order God around.
Not the one where I sit on the pile of rubble with Godly Grief.
Not the one where I sit on the pile of rubble with Godly Grief.
If I'm honest and when have you known me not to be I don't have Godly Grief.
I have 'good grief'.
As in 'good grief Charlie Brown'
Thursday, February 19, 2015
The One Where I Observe
Observe that I haven't had a post in oh... four months! Observe that I've had week after week after month after month of striving. Observe that I'm wrapped up in an anxiety ball of what I should be and who I could be. Observe that I am sick and tired of being tired.... there's an exhaustion in my soul that I can't shake.
All this list making and striving and standing on the tips of my toes trying to measure up....
Then walks in Seven. A book that's been on my night stand for months. I read it, it wrecked me. In good ways, in bad ways, in frustrating way...like I don't live in Austin. Jen Hatmaker and I aren't BFF, but she rents space in my head and maybe that's enough. Who am I kidding?! That IS NOT ENOUGH! Maybe I should move?
Eat 7 Foods
Wear 7 items Clothes
Get rid of 7 Possessions. Every Day.
7 types of media, just no. Tv, Gaming, FB, Tweets, iPhone apps, Radio, Texting, Internet (real phone calls only)
7 Habits for a greener life
7 Places your money goes (only)
7 Sacred Pauses. Finished this chapter just in time for Lent.
Lent, that time of year when my husband announces that we aren't catholic. DUH! And I say you don't have to be catholic to observe Lent. DUH!
Jen bases this chapter on a book by the same name, Seven Sacred Pauses
Like Jen, I haven't been getting these done exactly, but I'm working on it.
Enter Day 2 of the She Reads Truth Lent Study/Devotional, Whatever you want to call it. And here is my "response" my pause today
[Insert deep breath here.]
It’s no wonder we try to come to Him with layers of lies and pride and every other self-preservation instinct intact. It makes sense, right? Except it doesn’t… because Jesus. ~~Amanda Williams
I needed to hear this. So much so that my jaw is sore from clenching it. Yea... So there's that. Hard week after hard week and the shame and the guilt and the striving. And the to do lists and the things to check off.
And then there's the cross, the feet of Jesus beckoning me to just turn towards Him, lay it all down and exhale.
Noah Webster in his original dictionary defines return as:
1. To come or go back to the same place.
2. To come to the same state, as, to return from bondage to a state of freedom.
6. To show fresh signs of mercy.
Returnable: that may be returned or restored
Returned: restored
It is God who does the restoration work. We only turn in his direction.
And so I pause and make time for pauses, because I'm not giving up for/on Lent. Unless you count sleep. I'm getting up earlier to pause in the sacred silence. To read, to pray, to lay it down. Because these burdens, I can't bear them and somewhere I think I've read I shouldn't be anyway.
I'm observing a modified 7 over the next 6 weeks.
02/22 begins "Clear The Clutter - Make Space"
I will purge at least two items per day for 14 days. Now that's fairly easy for me, not so much for my people, they could be hoarders. Maybe I'll do this one for them. I'm really excited to get the garage and attic cleaned out. I like Becoming Minimalist Blog. He said and I'm paraphrasing... if you need to buy more stuff to organize your existing stuff you have too much stuff.
03/08 begins "Recycle, Reuse, Repurpose
Plastic, Paper, Cans, Cardboard
Get a compost bin and experiment, hope to not attract varmint.
03/22 begins "Phone Fast"
Phone can be in use from 7AM - 7PM. I've already begun this part. The teenager is grounded for life, so that'll help him, not sure about the hubs.
I've taken Facebook off my phone and I don't access it during business hours. Thanks, Crystal Paine!
Turned off at 7PM
Dinner at the table, I can hear them grumble now, but really do we need to see another rerun of Big Bang Theory?
Read Lent Passages
Observe Sabbath, I may have to pull teeth and limbs for this, but it's only two weekends, they can do it!
More Lent Ideas:
40 Ideas for Lent
All this list making and striving and standing on the tips of my toes trying to measure up....
Then walks in Seven. A book that's been on my night stand for months. I read it, it wrecked me. In good ways, in bad ways, in frustrating way...like I don't live in Austin. Jen Hatmaker and I aren't BFF, but she rents space in my head and maybe that's enough. Who am I kidding?! That IS NOT ENOUGH! Maybe I should move?
Eat 7 Foods
Wear 7 items Clothes
Get rid of 7 Possessions. Every Day.
7 types of media, just no. Tv, Gaming, FB, Tweets, iPhone apps, Radio, Texting, Internet (real phone calls only)
7 Habits for a greener life
7 Places your money goes (only)
7 Sacred Pauses. Finished this chapter just in time for Lent.
Lent, that time of year when my husband announces that we aren't catholic. DUH! And I say you don't have to be catholic to observe Lent. DUH!
Jen bases this chapter on a book by the same name, Seven Sacred Pauses
Like Jen, I haven't been getting these done exactly, but I'm working on it.
Enter Day 2 of the She Reads Truth Lent Study/Devotional, Whatever you want to call it. And here is my "response" my pause today
[Insert deep breath here.]
It’s no wonder we try to come to Him with layers of lies and pride and every other self-preservation instinct intact. It makes sense, right? Except it doesn’t… because Jesus. ~~Amanda Williams
I needed to hear this. So much so that my jaw is sore from clenching it. Yea... So there's that. Hard week after hard week and the shame and the guilt and the striving. And the to do lists and the things to check off.
And then there's the cross, the feet of Jesus beckoning me to just turn towards Him, lay it all down and exhale.
Noah Webster in his original dictionary defines return as:
1. To come or go back to the same place.
2. To come to the same state, as, to return from bondage to a state of freedom.
6. To show fresh signs of mercy.
Returnable: that may be returned or restored
Returned: restored
It is God who does the restoration work. We only turn in his direction.
And so I pause and make time for pauses, because I'm not giving up for/on Lent. Unless you count sleep. I'm getting up earlier to pause in the sacred silence. To read, to pray, to lay it down. Because these burdens, I can't bear them and somewhere I think I've read I shouldn't be anyway.
I'm observing a modified 7 over the next 6 weeks.
02/22 begins "Clear The Clutter - Make Space"
I will purge at least two items per day for 14 days. Now that's fairly easy for me, not so much for my people, they could be hoarders. Maybe I'll do this one for them.
03/08 begins "Recycle, Reuse, Repurpose
Plastic, Paper, Cans, Cardboard
Get a compost bin and experiment, hope to not attract varmint.
03/22 begins "Phone Fast"
Phone can be in use from 7AM - 7PM. I've already begun this part. The teenager is grounded for life, so that'll help him, not sure about the hubs.
I've taken Facebook off my phone and I don't access it during business hours. Thanks, Crystal Paine!
Turned off at 7PM
Dinner at the table, I can hear them grumble now, but really do we need to see another rerun of Big Bang Theory?
Read Lent Passages
Observe Sabbath, I may have to pull teeth and limbs for this, but it's only two weekends, they can do it!
More Lent Ideas:
40 Ideas for Lent
Friday, March 28, 2014
The One Where It's Not About Merit
I didn't study for my blog this week. I commented on the SRT devotional, these are my comments; I decided to share them here.
Wednesday: Jonah Chapter 3: 5-10, 1 Timothy 1: 15-16
I'm a little late to the Jonah study. It's been an interesting few weeks. But sisters I'm here to tell you. GOD IS FAITHFUL!! School situation: worked out smoothly. Work situation. Well, working out, but I received confirmation yesterday that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. God is good!
By the looks of my bible I haven't studies Jonah all that much. I have two notes. I've watched veggie tales more than I've spent time in these four chapters. But what I do have is awesome.
Grace: an unobligated giver giving something remarkable to the undeserving.
I know this is chapter 3. But my notes on 2:7-9 says God uses the defeated to do great things! (This is something I need to hear, often. Because I feel so defeated and unqualified).
I love how chapter 3 begins with... Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time..... Doesn't it always? A 2nd time, a 20th time, a 245th time, a 2,764th time, or Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes times a year!
Thank you Rebecca, I have new notes in my bible. :) repentance is about what God is doing, NOT about merit!
Because I've begged to differ with our brother Paul on who's the chiefest, I feel often times that I have more feathers in my headdress than he does. I like Paul, understood rules, and followed them (mostly). I like Paul, have held cloaks while bludgeoning others with "the gospel rules" Thinking of myself much higher and mightier because I'm a Christian, look at me, I go to church, I read by bible, I listen to only Christian music loudly so others can hear it, I follow rules.
I don't know how to say this other than to say it. I've felt the nudging to confess something to y'all for a while. Not because I need to confess it, but because someone needs to hear it. Because repentance isn't about merit. It isn't about earning your way into grace. No matter what you've done or what you will do, if you are in Christ there is therefore no condemnation.
I don't know how to say this other than to say it. I've felt the nudging to confess something to y'all for a while. Not because I need to confess it, but because someone needs to hear it. Because repentance isn't about merit. It isn't about earning your way into grace. No matter what you've done or what you will do, if you are in Christ there is therefore no condemnation.
If we think gouging eyes out is bad, well then I'm going straight to hell. And I used to believe that, all day, every day, begging for Gods forgiveness. I'd read my bible. I'd try to be a good church lady, you know the kind that are so full of The Lord that they practically float instead of walk, I prayed for hours, I went to church, I watched church on television. I listened to church on the radio. Because I desperately wanted grace and mercy. I wanted to live in the Freedom that others talked about. Even if that means I sit in the corner and wear the dunce hat in heaven. Maybe if I was good enough I'd get to touch the hem of His robe? Or like Moses (my fellow murderer) I'd get glimpse of His back?
My former life can be described like this:
Sex, drugs, rock n roll and 2 abortions later.
Yeah. I said the A word out loud. And I've spent years idolizing condemnation because I didn't believe that forgiveness, that grace or mercy was for me. Then I took a class called Forgiven and Set Free, then I taught it for several years. And The Light started to come on. (a new study is out now called Surrender The Secret and a video about it is here and if that weren't enough the phone number is 1-866-482-LIFE)
I encourage you to surrender the secret today, to someone, freedom is yours! I promise! Email me, or call the number above, find a study near you.
Sisters, I say sisters because the statistic is 1 in 4 women have had an abortion, all women, not "those women" all women in North America, yes "church women" too. There's more than 4 of us here, I can't be the only one!
Sisters, do not wait years or another moment in the corner with the dunce hat on!! First off, that's my corner! J/K I'll share it! I welcome the company of the Forgiven and Set Free! Forgiveness is for You! Today! Right Now! Walk in the Freedom Christ died to give you! It Is For Freedom Christ Set You Free!
Sisters, do not wait years or another moment in the corner with the dunce hat on!! First off, that's my corner! J/K I'll share it! I welcome the company of the Forgiven and Set Free! Forgiveness is for You! Today! Right Now! Walk in the Freedom Christ died to give you! It Is For Freedom Christ Set You Free!
It's not about your merit. It's not about what you can do or what you have done. It's not about how far you can run. It's about His Grace! Receive it today!
Thursday: Jonah Chapter 4: 1-11
I like the notes in my bible. I like it that someone said to me recently that my bible is the biggest bible they've ever seen. Ha! I think they must be a young person.... Bless them. ;)
It's an ESV study bible. The notes on Jonah are so good. The theme of Jonah it says is: The Lord is a God of boundless compassion not just for "us" (Jonah and the Israelites) bur also for "them" (the pagan sailors and Ninevites). Pierced. (My words not the theme)
I've been such an "us" and "them" Christian for so long. Not because I want to keep others out. It's that like Jonah, I've been prideful of my "status" wondering why God has mercy on "them" I mean really, why isn't "Nineveh" burning down yet?
Ugh. God forgive me!!!
I think for a while, although I was prideful, I was also ashamed of the gospel, because I do have compassion for others to the point of weeping. But I don't want them to see that. That makes me a cry baby for Jesus without any real substance of why I believe.
So I take the hard core theological route, well that makes me a lunatic. And if I were just real and authentic, people might see that I have chinks in the armor, it might expose my soft underbelly and I could be hurt. And I've been hurting for a long time.
Then I realized the kind of "hurt" God is calling me to isn't the kind I'd experienced in the past. He promises to take care of these things when I live authentically.
At the IF:Gathering. Jen Hatmaker said something that stuck with me.
Clue #1 that your life is off mission. It is costing you NOTHING!
For a long time it's cost me nothing. Serving safe people and blessing blessed people. It's time to make the three day journey to Nineveh! Amen!!
I hope that the only thing burning is my desire for God and that it causes flames to erupt everywhere I go! Not because of me but become of Him!
Repentance is about what God is doing, Not about Merit!
I hope that the only thing burning is my desire for God and that it causes flames to erupt everywhere I go! Not because of me but become of Him!
Repentance is about what God is doing, Not about Merit!
Thursday, March 20, 2014
The One Where I Run To Tarshish
Lately I don't know which end is up. I'm working a new job that I really like but also feel very inadequate at. It's part time and although I'm five weeks in, I've only worked about 70 hours. I feel as though I should already know everything and be proficient at it and I'm not. I'm constantly having conversations with my boss about the small things that are going wrong.
I don't think I've ever had this many conversations in my entire working career about how many things aren't going well in less than two weeks of work. But because I've been there five weeks, it seems as though I should be rolling along okay.
I've made two major mistakes. I don't know how to handle them. I want to quit. I want to give up. Maybe you can't teach old dogs new tricks.
The She Reads Truth gals are in Jonah right now. This is what I wrote on their comments yesterday:
First an update: The school situation is better, I hope. The meeting went well. Thank you to this community for encouraging me.
Second: fix one leak in the dam another place springs a leak. My job is just all kinds of crazy, I feel inadequate. I had many reservations about taking this job and now I feel like all those reservations were correct. I don't know how to handle it. There are several things that have come up that I honestly don't want to handle and like Jonah…
I. Want. To. Run. Please God let me run. Let me say all of my excuses and run. I don't want to do this, I don't want to face this. I want to run. It's not about mercy, it's about fear right now. I'm scared I can't do this and I can't do it well. I'm worried about the relationships this affects. I got the job through my sister who is a client of my boss…. I just want to run.
I'm not angry with her and God knows she could use a witness to tell her about God's Mercy. She deserves it. I have no qualms about that… I'm not asking for hellfire and brimstone on her….. But oh how I want to run from this. I don't feel peace about staying and I have less peace about quitting. I'm also not too interested in being swallowed up by a whale…. but running seems like a good option right now.
Lord Jesus…. help me through this! I'm definitely sinking in the sand, on the waves, too far from the shore where it's not safe.
Maybe I will rue the day I said:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Where ever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior.
So I will call upon your name……
My word for the year is Trust. I don't know how to do that right now. I'm not sure what that looks like right now. I have notes in my bible that say: The definition of love is to know someone's needs and meet them. So how do you love God? Trust.
I definitely feel as though my trust is without borders right now. My calling is silent. To fearful to go forward, to embarrassed to go back. Questioning, do I really want stronger faith? But I'm sinking.
It doesn't have to be a great fish, I only need to know that God Is Prepared!
This is discouraging.
I don't think I've ever had this many conversations in my entire working career about how many things aren't going well in less than two weeks of work. But because I've been there five weeks, it seems as though I should be rolling along okay.
I've made two major mistakes. I don't know how to handle them. I want to quit. I want to give up. Maybe you can't teach old dogs new tricks.
The She Reads Truth gals are in Jonah right now. This is what I wrote on their comments yesterday:
First an update: The school situation is better, I hope. The meeting went well. Thank you to this community for encouraging me.
Second: fix one leak in the dam another place springs a leak. My job is just all kinds of crazy, I feel inadequate. I had many reservations about taking this job and now I feel like all those reservations were correct. I don't know how to handle it. There are several things that have come up that I honestly don't want to handle and like Jonah…
I. Want. To. Run. Please God let me run. Let me say all of my excuses and run. I don't want to do this, I don't want to face this. I want to run. It's not about mercy, it's about fear right now. I'm scared I can't do this and I can't do it well. I'm worried about the relationships this affects. I got the job through my sister who is a client of my boss…. I just want to run.
I'm not angry with her and God knows she could use a witness to tell her about God's Mercy. She deserves it. I have no qualms about that… I'm not asking for hellfire and brimstone on her….. But oh how I want to run from this. I don't feel peace about staying and I have less peace about quitting. I'm also not too interested in being swallowed up by a whale…. but running seems like a good option right now.
Lord Jesus…. help me through this! I'm definitely sinking in the sand, on the waves, too far from the shore where it's not safe.
Maybe I will rue the day I said:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Where ever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior.
So I will call upon your name……
My word for the year is Trust. I don't know how to do that right now. I'm not sure what that looks like right now. I have notes in my bible that say: The definition of love is to know someone's needs and meet them. So how do you love God? Trust.
I definitely feel as though my trust is without borders right now. My calling is silent. To fearful to go forward, to embarrassed to go back. Questioning, do I really want stronger faith? But I'm sinking.
I. am. sinking
I realize this isn't a devotional or a teaching on Jonah. But this is how I've felt lately. I wrote this yesterday while I was in the throws of feeling like I couldn't face the day. I had a few things happen yesterday that tells me God Is Still Faithful. As if I had doubts about it. But don't we I?
Today I'm still shaky and trying to get my sea legs, but I think it's probably not the best idea to "flee from the presence of the Lord". Maybe I should get comfortable in the belly of the whale; the storm is coming, or rather I'm experiencing it. I'm in it. Do I throw myself into the sea? Do I trust that God has "prepared a great fish" for me? (the girl with the dunce hat on?)
Today I'm still shaky and trying to get my sea legs, but I think it's probably not the best idea to "flee from the presence of the Lord". Maybe I should get comfortable in the belly of the whale; the storm is coming, or rather I'm experiencing it. I'm in it. Do I throw myself into the sea? Do I trust that God has "prepared a great fish" for me? (the girl with the dunce hat on?)
It doesn't have to be a great fish, I only need to know that God Is Prepared!
Friday, March 14, 2014
The One Where I Love Mercy {#shesharestruth}
2 Samuel 24: A Test of David.
So, God is angry with Israel. He tests David. And you'd think that David fails, but there's a bigger story here.
David says let's count the people (my army). His commander says, I dunno David, that doesn't seem like a good idea. David insists. They count. Ten months later, David says I have sinned greatly in what I've done. But now Lord, please take away the iniquity of your servant, for I have done "very foolishly"
Isn't this the case? We have this brilliant idea and we fight tooth and nail to bring it about and then we feel it, we feel the distance, the parched soul, the pierced heart, the anguish.
Psalm 38 A Psalm of Remembrance.
The depths of despair. I've been there. For what I've done, what others have done, for circumstances seemingly out of my control, proceeded by that silent cry, that gut wrenching, doubled over, so ugly there's no sound crying to God. There is no soundness in my flesh.
God gives David three choices:
Three years of famine
Three months of enemies pursuing him
Three days of pestilence in the land
David says: I am in great distress. Let us fall into the hand of the Lord, for his mercy is great, but let me now fall into the hand of man.
I read a book on this called The Holy Wild by Mark Buchanan. I have nothing much to say about Psalm 38/2 Sam 24 than what he writes:
David knew where to rest. He would run to God every time. David knew that in God's hands, he might be crushed, but he'd be safer there than anywhere. In God's hands, the breaking of the bone and the mending of it, the making of the wound and the healing of it, come joined. God's mercy might be severe.
Always, let me fall into The Hands Of God! To LOVE MERCY. God Himself loves it.
A. W. Tozer said, put a lock on His wrath, but a hairy trigger on His mercy.
You've heard me talk about my heavenly dunce hat. That's the hat I wear when I forget about mercy. When I remember, like David, the things I've done, the pain I've experienced. It's the one where I sit like a two year old in time out with my head down but my eyes scanning the room for a glimpse of Parental mercy. You know the look.
I know the mercy is there, why don't I remember where to rest? Why don't I run to God every time? Why do I run ahead? Count the people (build an idol)? Am left with choices.
1) continue running ahead
2) wear the dunce hat
3) Love Mercy
Let me pull the hairy trigger of Mercy!! BANG! Let it penetrate my heart. Let it be the lifter of my head that says "Let me fall into the Hand of God, for His mercy is great!
So, God is angry with Israel. He tests David. And you'd think that David fails, but there's a bigger story here.
David says let's count the people (my army). His commander says, I dunno David, that doesn't seem like a good idea. David insists. They count. Ten months later, David says I have sinned greatly in what I've done. But now Lord, please take away the iniquity of your servant, for I have done "very foolishly"
Isn't this the case? We have this brilliant idea and we fight tooth and nail to bring it about and then we feel it, we feel the distance, the parched soul, the pierced heart, the anguish.
Psalm 38 A Psalm of Remembrance.
The depths of despair. I've been there. For what I've done, what others have done, for circumstances seemingly out of my control, proceeded by that silent cry, that gut wrenching, doubled over, so ugly there's no sound crying to God. There is no soundness in my flesh.
God gives David three choices:
Three years of famine
Three months of enemies pursuing him
Three days of pestilence in the land
David says: I am in great distress. Let us fall into the hand of the Lord, for his mercy is great, but let me now fall into the hand of man.
I read a book on this called The Holy Wild by Mark Buchanan. I have nothing much to say about Psalm 38/2 Sam 24 than what he writes:
David knew where to rest. He would run to God every time. David knew that in God's hands, he might be crushed, but he'd be safer there than anywhere. In God's hands, the breaking of the bone and the mending of it, the making of the wound and the healing of it, come joined. God's mercy might be severe.
BUT IT NEVER CEASES TO BE MERCY!
Always, let me fall into The Hands Of God! To LOVE MERCY. God Himself loves it.
A. W. Tozer said, put a lock on His wrath, but a hairy trigger on His mercy.
You've heard me talk about my heavenly dunce hat. That's the hat I wear when I forget about mercy. When I remember, like David, the things I've done, the pain I've experienced. It's the one where I sit like a two year old in time out with my head down but my eyes scanning the room for a glimpse of Parental mercy. You know the look.
I know the mercy is there, why don't I remember where to rest? Why don't I run to God every time? Why do I run ahead? Count the people (build an idol)? Am left with choices.
1) continue running ahead
2) wear the dunce hat
3) Love Mercy
Let me pull the hairy trigger of Mercy!! BANG! Let it penetrate my heart. Let it be the lifter of my head that says "Let me fall into the Hand of God, for His mercy is great!
AND NEVER CEASES TO BE MERCY!
Friday, March 7, 2014
The One Where I Am With Him, I Am Heard {Psalm 130}
So the other day on She Reads Truth, they invited the readers to write a blog about the passage of the day. Last year I read Psalms of Ascent with them and I have lots of notes about it. Last year was somewhat of a profound time in my life and this year there are lots of changes. It feels as though these days, like David, I cling to His Word.
Psalm 130
Out of the depths…. I have been there, more times than I care to count. When I was first saved and many other times in my life. There have been days, nights, weeks, go by where I'm on my knees, not able to utter words. From my own depravity, out of circumstances of life, things out of my control, waiting on another for forgiveness.
Depths. I've seen them. I've been in the ocean and in caverns. On lakes and in valleys.
And David makes this turn (if you will) rather than being bent down, he's standing. This question. Who shall stand? It's not asking who shall stand, it's telling you he's standing. Why? Because with God is forgiveness. And he knows this. He knows it, sure as the sun will rise. As sure as Goliath is slain, as sure as battles fought and won, as sure as he danced with the Ark. He.Knows.It.
And he waits. He waits with certainty. With more certainty than night watchmen in his army, who serve the King dutifully. Now he waits, dutifully. Too often I don't have that kind of certainty. Too often, I'm sure I'll wear the dunce hat in the corner of heaven, sure I'm saved but I'm not always so sure of this sanctification. Too often I'm found with thoughts of "whosoever" doesn't include me. Too often I don't have that kind of patience, or faith. O ye…. Anyone else who feels this is their given name?
Over the years I've learned this O ye of little faith, still implies faith! Though it's not large, it's not moving mountains, it's steady. Everyday I place my trust in The Lord. And if I'm a smidgen like David I'll have the sense to call out God (Jehovah) and God (Adonai) in so few words. Seven times in eight verses.
Then he says Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord is steadfast love, with him there is plentiful redemption. He will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.
Israel, is us. It's you and me. It's the "whosoevers" of the world. And I comforted that I am with Him. Although I know he could crush me in His hand, it's the safest place to be. With Him.
The study guide in my bible say this:
This is an individual lament, expressing penitence and trust in God's mercy. The penitential element is geared toward helping worshippers see themselves as forgiven people, who's only right to enter God's presence lies in His mercy.
I like Matthew Henry, one day I will read his entire commentary, although it feels over the years I have. I like what he says about this Psalm:
Whatever condition we are in , though ever so deplorable, to continue calling upon God. The best of men may sometimes be in the depths. But in the great depths, it is our privilege that we may cry unto God and be heard.
Psalm 130
Out of the depths…. I have been there, more times than I care to count. When I was first saved and many other times in my life. There have been days, nights, weeks, go by where I'm on my knees, not able to utter words. From my own depravity, out of circumstances of life, things out of my control, waiting on another for forgiveness.
Depths. I've seen them. I've been in the ocean and in caverns. On lakes and in valleys.
And David makes this turn (if you will) rather than being bent down, he's standing. This question. Who shall stand? It's not asking who shall stand, it's telling you he's standing. Why? Because with God is forgiveness. And he knows this. He knows it, sure as the sun will rise. As sure as Goliath is slain, as sure as battles fought and won, as sure as he danced with the Ark. He.Knows.It.
And he waits. He waits with certainty. With more certainty than night watchmen in his army, who serve the King dutifully. Now he waits, dutifully. Too often I don't have that kind of certainty. Too often, I'm sure I'll wear the dunce hat in the corner of heaven, sure I'm saved but I'm not always so sure of this sanctification. Too often I'm found with thoughts of "whosoever" doesn't include me. Too often I don't have that kind of patience, or faith. O ye…. Anyone else who feels this is their given name?
Over the years I've learned this O ye of little faith, still implies faith! Though it's not large, it's not moving mountains, it's steady. Everyday I place my trust in The Lord. And if I'm a smidgen like David I'll have the sense to call out God (Jehovah) and God (Adonai) in so few words. Seven times in eight verses.
Then he says Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord is steadfast love, with him there is plentiful redemption. He will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.
Israel, is us. It's you and me. It's the "whosoevers" of the world. And I comforted that I am with Him. Although I know he could crush me in His hand, it's the safest place to be. With Him.
The study guide in my bible say this:
This is an individual lament, expressing penitence and trust in God's mercy. The penitential element is geared toward helping worshippers see themselves as forgiven people, who's only right to enter God's presence lies in His mercy.
I like Matthew Henry, one day I will read his entire commentary, although it feels over the years I have. I like what he says about this Psalm:
Whatever condition we are in , though ever so deplorable, to continue calling upon God. The best of men may sometimes be in the depths. But in the great depths, it is our privilege that we may cry unto God and be heard.
Monday, February 10, 2014
The One Where I'm #wrecked after IF:Gathering {Session 1-A}
That was the theme for me this weekend.
Wrecked
Ever since I found Jen Hatmaker through my running buddy Sarah, and found Ann Voskamp though a Jen Hatmaker's comment "I wonder what Ann Voskamp would do?" I ended up spending a lot of time on their blogs, reading their books, reading books and blogs they suggest. Friends I don't know where in the Inter-Web world I've been that I hadn't known about these ladies.
I've read She Reads Truth for a year, I started last year with Fresh Start and I read all year! I formed a bond with the ladies of SRT. Well I formed it with them…. I'm pretty sure they think I'm a stalker! Pretty Sure of that! I email them, I tweet them, I follow them, I like them. If they have a stack of books, I have a stack. Anyway.
Those ladies led me to more resources, resources that tell me You Are Normal. We All Struggle. Some Days Parenting Just Sucks.The.Life.Out.Of.You. Perfection Is Unattainable. Fix Your Eyes On Jesus. Find One Word Instead Of ANew Year To Do List, It Is All Gonna Be Okay. And not in an I'm Okay, You're Okay kind of way, but in a real and authentic way.
I say all of that to day, one day while reading a blog, we'll give Jen Hatmaker credit. I read about IF:Gathering. I see a lot of ladies I admire will be there, ladies I don't know or heard of, and one I held in my arms when she was born.
I read the blog, I longed to be in Austin. Oh don't I always. But totally wanted to be there for this. I only know one person who will be there and well she's speaking. It's too far out to make plans, who knows what will come our way by then. Hope it's really good!
I follow along more and Whaaaaaaatttttt….. A Live Stream!! A. LIVE.STREAM! Put that on my calendar. Talk to my girlfriends. Get ladies together. This will be fun!
As it got closer, I just felt this anticipation come over me. Alysa Bajenaru said it best: "There has been something stirring in me for a few years… I'm tired of comfortable Christianity, frustrated with how my faith is portrayed in social media…. I crave authenticity, messy authenticity….. Real people having real conversations. And I'm not the only one."
Indeed, she's not the only one.
A tweet from her later that day, Strip away that which usually defines me and get to the core of how I really am I have been feeling RESTLESS!! I am ready to be brave, ready to be bold, ready to run the race Jesus has marked out for me. Run the messy race of authentic faith.
DITTO! Ditto to it all!
I'll just write my notes out. Maybe later this week I'll be able to process more of it.
Day One:
Jennie Allen
I was built to run races for God, eyes fixed on Jesus, but I was missing it.
Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the Substance!
Jesus says two things:
Repent!
Believe!
Repent, confess, be honest, broken, throw off your sin, don't miss this moment!
We have prayed for a movement of God, that women who are afraid, scared, in bondage, would be set free! That you would run your race. Because this is our time, this is our leg of the race! By Faith!
RUN!
It's okay to be terrified, just obey! Quit with the comparisons and just do what you are called to do! Throw off all the junk and live like God is Real!
My biggest fear is that we would walk away and do a bunch of great stuff. A great movement of God isn't doing a bunch of great stuff. a great movement of God is 10,000 women all around the world on their knees depending and coming to God in brokenness.
By faith, we could be a generate that wasn't fancy, wasn't perfect, but we lived like our God was real!
Get back in the race! We are all human and we are all jacked up, just fix your eyes on Jesus!
Christine Caine:
The wilderness did not denote freedom, but deliverance. It was for freedom that Christ set us free, but many of us settle for deliverance!
It was an eleven day journey to freedom that too FORTY YEARS because of fear, doubt, murmuring, grumbling and complaining! It's time to lay aside the weight and the sins that ensnare us - the unforgivness and jealousy and bitterness and anger. If we set these aside, some of the injustices of the world would be solved overnight!
Redefine your comfort zone, because wherever you go you are with the Great Comforter! Just as he was in the wilderness! A pillar of fire at night, a cloud by day!
You came out of Egypt, but Egypt is still in you. But God want to get Egypt out of your so we can walk into the Promised Land free! Go from Deliverance To Freedom!! The wilderness is where you shake off Egypt!
A generation came out of bondage and slavery. But they died in the desert! That generation is Gone!! You have to have our own "cutting away"
LET US lay aside the weight…
A weight could be anything, it could be good, but holding you back.
An anchor.
A thought.
Culture.
Tradition.
The Weight of:
Opinion
Entitlement
The day after they ate of the promised land, the manna stopped. Because God is doing a new thing! Don't become so used to the systems of God that you don't need Him!! The manna Ceases!! Don't get stuck in the past!
You allow the past to define you like the Gospel isn't True!! When you owe it to the next generation to get free! We either believe in this Gospel or we don't!
The most potent force on the planet is not a missile or the atomic bomb! The most important force on the plant is the Blood of Christ. It sets people free!
Many of us prefer the comfort of victimhood over what it takes to be free!! Time to move on girls, get a new problem!!
God starts with impossible! A Virgin, A Stable, A Cross, A Risen Savior! It's all Crazy, so believe the impossible anyway!
If you want to see the promises of God worked out in your life, then you must believe the truth of God's word over your circumstances. Yet most of us base our lives on the facts, and that's why we never go into the Promised Land, why we never walk in freedom.
Let's build our lives on the truth of God's Word, not the facts of our circumstances.
Sue Davis and Shauna NeiQuist:
Table People
Stop
Gather
This Time Matters
Toast - raise a glass says I see you. You matter.
Prayer - every good thing we have is from God.
Where ever you are BE ALL THERE especially at the dinner table. Acts 2:46 They worshipped together, they ate meals at home, with glad and sincere hearts.
Once a Month IF:Table
6 Women from all walks of life, some you know well, some you don't (you count as 1 so you can 5 other women)
4 Questions about God (see the website….information coming soon)
2 Hours (Present not perfection)
Revival Starts At Home!
Wrecked
Ever since I found Jen Hatmaker through my running buddy Sarah, and found Ann Voskamp though a Jen Hatmaker's comment "I wonder what Ann Voskamp would do?" I ended up spending a lot of time on their blogs, reading their books, reading books and blogs they suggest. Friends I don't know where in the Inter-Web world I've been that I hadn't known about these ladies.
I've read She Reads Truth for a year, I started last year with Fresh Start and I read all year! I formed a bond with the ladies of SRT. Well I formed it with them…. I'm pretty sure they think I'm a stalker! Pretty Sure of that! I email them, I tweet them, I follow them, I like them. If they have a stack of books, I have a stack. Anyway.
Those ladies led me to more resources, resources that tell me You Are Normal. We All Struggle. Some Days Parenting Just Sucks.The.Life.Out.Of.You. Perfection Is Unattainable. Fix Your Eyes On Jesus. Find One Word Instead Of A
I say all of that to day, one day while reading a blog, we'll give Jen Hatmaker credit. I read about IF:Gathering. I see a lot of ladies I admire will be there, ladies I don't know or heard of, and one I held in my arms when she was born.
I read the blog, I longed to be in Austin. Oh don't I always. But totally wanted to be there for this. I only know one person who will be there and well she's speaking. It's too far out to make plans, who knows what will come our way by then. Hope it's really good!
I follow along more and Whaaaaaaatttttt….. A Live Stream!! A. LIVE.STREAM! Put that on my calendar. Talk to my girlfriends. Get ladies together. This will be fun!
As it got closer, I just felt this anticipation come over me. Alysa Bajenaru said it best: "There has been something stirring in me for a few years… I'm tired of comfortable Christianity, frustrated with how my faith is portrayed in social media…. I crave authenticity, messy authenticity….. Real people having real conversations. And I'm not the only one."
Indeed, she's not the only one.
A tweet from her later that day, Strip away that which usually defines me and get to the core of how I really am I have been feeling RESTLESS!! I am ready to be brave, ready to be bold, ready to run the race Jesus has marked out for me. Run the messy race of authentic faith.
DITTO! Ditto to it all!
I'll just write my notes out. Maybe later this week I'll be able to process more of it.
Day One:
Jennie Allen
I was built to run races for God, eyes fixed on Jesus, but I was missing it.
Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the Substance!
Jesus says two things:
Repent!
Believe!
Repent, confess, be honest, broken, throw off your sin, don't miss this moment!
We have prayed for a movement of God, that women who are afraid, scared, in bondage, would be set free! That you would run your race. Because this is our time, this is our leg of the race! By Faith!
RUN!
It's okay to be terrified, just obey! Quit with the comparisons and just do what you are called to do! Throw off all the junk and live like God is Real!
My biggest fear is that we would walk away and do a bunch of great stuff. A great movement of God isn't doing a bunch of great stuff. a great movement of God is 10,000 women all around the world on their knees depending and coming to God in brokenness.
By faith, we could be a generate that wasn't fancy, wasn't perfect, but we lived like our God was real!
Get back in the race! We are all human and we are all jacked up, just fix your eyes on Jesus!
Christine Caine:
The wilderness did not denote freedom, but deliverance. It was for freedom that Christ set us free, but many of us settle for deliverance!
It was an eleven day journey to freedom that too FORTY YEARS because of fear, doubt, murmuring, grumbling and complaining! It's time to lay aside the weight and the sins that ensnare us - the unforgivness and jealousy and bitterness and anger. If we set these aside, some of the injustices of the world would be solved overnight!
Redefine your comfort zone, because wherever you go you are with the Great Comforter! Just as he was in the wilderness! A pillar of fire at night, a cloud by day!
You came out of Egypt, but Egypt is still in you. But God want to get Egypt out of your so we can walk into the Promised Land free! Go from Deliverance To Freedom!! The wilderness is where you shake off Egypt!
A generation came out of bondage and slavery. But they died in the desert! That generation is Gone!! You have to have our own "cutting away"
LET US lay aside the weight…
A weight could be anything, it could be good, but holding you back.
An anchor.
A thought.
Culture.
Tradition.
The Weight of:
Opinion
Entitlement
The day after they ate of the promised land, the manna stopped. Because God is doing a new thing! Don't become so used to the systems of God that you don't need Him!! The manna Ceases!! Don't get stuck in the past!
You allow the past to define you like the Gospel isn't True!! When you owe it to the next generation to get free! We either believe in this Gospel or we don't!
The most potent force on the planet is not a missile or the atomic bomb! The most important force on the plant is the Blood of Christ. It sets people free!
Many of us prefer the comfort of victimhood over what it takes to be free!! Time to move on girls, get a new problem!!
God starts with impossible! A Virgin, A Stable, A Cross, A Risen Savior! It's all Crazy, so believe the impossible anyway!
If you want to see the promises of God worked out in your life, then you must believe the truth of God's word over your circumstances. Yet most of us base our lives on the facts, and that's why we never go into the Promised Land, why we never walk in freedom.
Let's build our lives on the truth of God's Word, not the facts of our circumstances.
Sue Davis and Shauna NeiQuist:
Table People
Stop
Gather
This Time Matters
Toast - raise a glass says I see you. You matter.
Prayer - every good thing we have is from God.
Where ever you are BE ALL THERE especially at the dinner table. Acts 2:46 They worshipped together, they ate meals at home, with glad and sincere hearts.
Once a Month IF:Table
6 Women from all walks of life, some you know well, some you don't (you count as 1 so you can 5 other women)
4 Questions about God (see the website….information coming soon)
2 Hours (Present not perfection)
Revival Starts At Home!
#SheReadsTruth - The Things Of This World
Oh how this speaks to my heart today.
For years (and I won't tell you it's not a struggle some days) I was scared of heaven. I think for me, it meant judgment (in my mind I compete with Paul for the chief sinner claim) It wasn't, isn't a love for the world so much as a distrust of heaven. Of my Heavenly Father. His goodness, plans, love, will, did I mention goodness? Or perhaps that His goodness isn't for me. It's for everyone else.
Heaven is for everyone else. I'll sit in the corner with the dunce hat on. Love the world? I can't say no. Because I have a lot of fear of separation from it. Mostly from my family. My kids. My husband. (Who I won't be married to in heaven)
As a bible snob, a Greek Freak, it's crazy (to me) that I've been really digging The Message (a challenge from my pastor) Nothing scholarly about it. I admit. But I'm seeing this precious word with new eyes.
1 John 2: 15-17 Don’t love the world’s ways. Don’t love the world’s goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.
Love the worlds ways? No. Right? That's the answer. I do not. Love the worlds goods? No? Not quite so steady, sure. Love of the world?
But when you say.... Want my own way... Want everything for myself (not everything, right, I can really see the semantics in this and thus be off the proverbial or prepositional hook). Wanting to appear important.... (Read: mans approval) ouuuuch! I certainly have fear of rejection and a longing for approval.
How about this:
Love of My ways. Love of My things/people/goods? Love of My world? I can't help but be pierced and indeed isolated.
All of that is fading away, and I need to fade away with it. And run to Jesus. Because of the previous verses.
12-13 I remind you, my dear children: Your sins are forgiven in Jesus’ name. You veterans were in on the ground floor, and know the One who started all this; you newcomers have won a big victory over the Evil One.
My sins are forgiven. I KNOW the ONE who started all this.
I can let go of these ways, things, and world to cling to Jesus. Then wash rinse and repeat. Daily, or ya know hourly. The clock keeps on ticking; and I have choices to make, today, right now, and the next moment, and hour, and day and week. It's not a one time thought, but a (romans 12) renewing of the mind. A metamorphosis that takes place. Eventually the caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Let's be honest though, some days I'd settle for a moth!
For years (and I won't tell you it's not a struggle some days) I was scared of heaven. I think for me, it meant judgment (in my mind I compete with Paul for the chief sinner claim) It wasn't, isn't a love for the world so much as a distrust of heaven. Of my Heavenly Father. His goodness, plans, love, will, did I mention goodness? Or perhaps that His goodness isn't for me. It's for everyone else.
Heaven is for everyone else. I'll sit in the corner with the dunce hat on. Love the world? I can't say no. Because I have a lot of fear of separation from it. Mostly from my family. My kids. My husband. (Who I won't be married to in heaven)
As a bible snob, a Greek Freak, it's crazy (to me) that I've been really digging The Message (a challenge from my pastor) Nothing scholarly about it. I admit. But I'm seeing this precious word with new eyes.
1 John 2: 15-17 Don’t love the world’s ways. Don’t love the world’s goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.
Love the worlds ways? No. Right? That's the answer. I do not. Love the worlds goods? No? Not quite so steady, sure. Love of the world?
But when you say.... Want my own way... Want everything for myself (not everything, right, I can really see the semantics in this and thus be off the proverbial or prepositional hook). Wanting to appear important.... (Read: mans approval) ouuuuch! I certainly have fear of rejection and a longing for approval.
How about this:
Love of My ways. Love of My things/people/goods? Love of My world? I can't help but be pierced and indeed isolated.
All of that is fading away, and I need to fade away with it. And run to Jesus. Because of the previous verses.
12-13 I remind you, my dear children: Your sins are forgiven in Jesus’ name. You veterans were in on the ground floor, and know the One who started all this; you newcomers have won a big victory over the Evil One.
My sins are forgiven. I KNOW the ONE who started all this.
I can let go of these ways, things, and world to cling to Jesus. Then wash rinse and repeat. Daily, or ya know hourly. The clock keeps on ticking; and I have choices to make, today, right now, and the next moment, and hour, and day and week. It's not a one time thought, but a (romans 12) renewing of the mind. A metamorphosis that takes place. Eventually the caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Let's be honest though, some days I'd settle for a moth!
Friday, January 24, 2014
The One Where It's Like Every Other Day... {#oneword365 Link Up}
I'm behind on many things....Like Blogging
I'm part of a link up group. It's called Trusting Tuesday.... yeah, it's Friday. A week later from when that started.
I also forgot to give my kiddo funds for a Youth Gathering.
I've run around here frustrated about a variety of things. Work, Household Things, Thankful Things (it's the 24th, I have 7-8 thankful things), Running Things (missed 5 runs this month).
This thing that appears to be an awesome opportunity that I just can't find peace about, is it fear or is it not for me?
But my word isn't Peace.
It's Trust.
And I feel that there are many things thathave are falling into place as I Trust,
just pause every day and Trust
T - Thank Me (1000Gifts)
R - Read Me (The Bible, 12 books this year)
U - Use Me (Where you need me)
S - Strengthen Me (To be the vessel)
T - Teach Me (To be poured out)
I'm part of a link up group. It's called Trusting Tuesday.... yeah, it's Friday. A week later from when that started.
I also forgot to give my kiddo funds for a Youth Gathering.
I've run around here frustrated about a variety of things. Work, Household Things, Thankful Things (it's the 24th, I have 7-8 thankful things), Running Things (missed 5 runs this month).
This thing that appears to be an awesome opportunity that I just can't find peace about, is it fear or is it not for me?
But my word isn't Peace.
It's Trust.
And I feel that there are many things that
just pause every day and Trust
T - Thank Me (1000Gifts)
R - Read Me (The Bible, 12 books this year)
U - Use Me (Where you need me)
S - Strengthen Me (To be the vessel)
T - Teach Me (To be poured out)
I've had many opportunities to trust this year. Just Trust. I don't have to understand it with my limited thoughts or earthly smallness. I only have to Let That Thing Go and Watch Him Perform on my behalf.
And in Letting It Go... things and stress and stuff out of my control (isn't all really though) and yea, we really live in this house and it probably won't look like a model home at least not while the kids are living at home. And Lord knows I only have a few short years left.little heart ache
here> And in Letting It Go... things and stress and stuff out of my control (isn't all really though) and yea, we really live in this house and it probably won't look like a model home at least not while the kids are living at home. And Lord knows I only have a few short years left.
The Thanking and Reading and Using and Strength and Teaching, it's all leading somewhere and for now that somewhere isn't specific, but I
A break through with a group of Young Lives Mommas.
An interview that I'm excited about, interested in, looking for ways to Trust about.
A new and improved teenager, after a few weeks of counseling and some changes in our family goals, he's chatty and open and sharing, and well I'm a hopeful Momma. My heart is full.
Reading a new (to me) version of the bible, The Message, Remix, Bible In A Year. It's cool. To be honest I've been a version snob for many years. It's refreshing to read these familiar stories in new ways. Before I know it this bible will be marked up. I find myself using it for Bible Study.
Church is just awesome! I'm so glad we made the switch. I'm getting bolder about asking people to come with us. No one has showed up yet but I keep asking. Trusting.
I keep reading blogs. And She Reads Truth. And reading my books. I'm on Desperate's last chapters. So Excited to have a book done and finish another one. I have half read books all over the house! Committed though to reading them! I'm also open to book suggestions! And find my second home at Half Price Books!
I keep Being Hungry and Thirsty and I find that in Trusting, I'm being Filled.
In today's The Message was John 14, so familiar, read with new eyes today. Read on to one of my favorite biblical commentaries Matthew Henry.
John 14:1 “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.
Commentary:
Let not your heart be troubled. Christ took notice of it, observed it. He is acquainted with all our secret undiscovered sorrows. With the wounds that bleed inwardly. He knows we are afflicted. How we are affected in affliction. How near they lie in our hearts. Jesus is cognizant of our troubles. That we are overwhelmed. He knows our souls in adversity.
The Remedy is Believe. Greek: Pisteute
To have confidence. To Entrust.
Believe in God. His Perfection. His Providence. His Principles.
I keep Being Hungry and Thirsty and I find that in Trusting, I'm being Filled.
In today's The Message was John 14, so familiar, read with new eyes today. Read on to one of my favorite biblical commentaries Matthew Henry.
John 14:1 “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.
Commentary:
Let not your heart be troubled. Christ took notice of it, observed it. He is acquainted with all our secret undiscovered sorrows. With the wounds that bleed inwardly. He knows we are afflicted. How we are affected in affliction. How near they lie in our hearts. Jesus is cognizant of our troubles. That we are overwhelmed. He knows our souls in adversity.
The Remedy is Believe. Greek: Pisteute
To have confidence. To Entrust.
Believe in God. His Perfection. His Providence. His Principles.
Monday, December 30, 2013
The One Where I Choose A Word
2017 One Word Update here. HOPE.
So it's one of those mornings where I have a stretch of silence. I catch up on some reading. I check Facebook to find a number of new posts. Blogs I follow.
Ann Voscamp is one such blog. I don't know where I've been that I didn't hear about her until this summer. But I found her! And her words speak to the soul of me, in ways that I've needed to hear (I think) all my life. She's the girlfriend, she's the Titus 2 womanyou I have hoped for, and I don't even know her. Heaven awaits the day I do!
Her Blog today is: How To Move Forward Into A New Year when you feel like you failed last year
"What if everyone is making New Years Resolution and you just want New You Solutions" "Sometimes you can hardly trust your legs, trust turning and taking the next step" "Falling Apart? Fall into What.Ever.Comes.Next FORWARD!" "Fearful? Forward!"
And in that blog is this one, well several links, but his is the one I read: Fear's the first step of faith
"The things in my life that require faith are the things that terrify me"
"Fear offers two routes: Flee or Faith. High tail-it or Trust"
I go back to the first post and read her "footnotes" below which leads me to this blog: What the New Year Needs Most A Blog about naming your year. A name for your year. Interesting. I haven't heard of this concept. I read on. She talks about euchristeo and names her new year koinonia. Greek words. I love greek words. How they get right to the heart of the matter. No need to wonder if it's there, they're or their. Nope. The greek is straightforward. This word means this and (generally) only this and in the event it means something else, the root word for that something else is clear and certain.
I flip back to Facebook. More posts. More blogs. Sarah Bessey (another writer/blogger I found through blog hopping) posts something interesting. Something I hadn't seen before. SheLovesMagazine. Wow, what a great organization! What a wonderful community!! Wow! I kept reading and reading and reading. Wow! And come to yet another One Word blog.
The part that resounded with me is "the underlying message (of making resolutions) seems to be who I am right now isn't making the cut"
A to-do list of life for the next year. And sure we all want to lose weight, be intentional, save money, say no, recycle, unplug, eat healthier, save the world….the truth of the matter is we make the lists to feel better, to be enough. Stop with the lists!
And that brings me to this OneWord365
I read through the suggested list:
Imagine, Different, Push, Celebrate, Believe, Thrive, Relentless, Finish, Transformation, Learn, Reduce, Grace, Today, Confidence, Health, Purpose, Unstoppable, Enjoy, Truth, Generous, Soar, Commit, Forward, Awake, Change, Focus, Invest, Peace, No, Fortitude, Empower, Curious, Direction, Opportunity, Embrace, Present, Ambition, Growth, Connect, Perspective, Persistence, Stewardship, Strength, Action, Adapt, Progress, Adventure, Selah, Mindfulness, Appreciate, Create, Optimism, Breathe, Integrity, Uplift, Simplify, Freedom, New, Rebuilding, Joy, Courage, Momentum, Trust, Reflection, Possibility, Sacrifice, Relax, Organize, Pause, Be, Listen, Ignite, Determined, Balance, Silence, Release, Faith, Resolve, Together, Dare, Revel, Love, Minimize, Discover, Choose, Diligence, Brave, Risk, Open, Transition, Slow, More, Shine, Live, Write, Battle.
All of these words are good. Good words. I like several of them. I should pick several of them. I'm tempted to pick one per month! But that's not the point of the exercise. I need to focus. Draw down. Narrow my thoughts down to one that frightens me a bit. I do many of these words. Am many of these words. What's the word that I'm not? That doesn't come easily?
Trust. The passage that comes to mind is Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path.
The Hebrew word is Batach, a verb, To Trust.
To Trust In
To have confidence
To be bold
To be secure
The Greek word is Elpizo, a verb, to hope.
To wait for salvation with joy and confidence.
Root Word: Elpis
Expectation of good, of hope
Joyful and confident expectation of salvation
The author of hope, of He who is it's foundation
A thing hoped for
Noah Webster defines it as:
Confidence, a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship or other sound principle of another person.
You can find Noah's Dictionary here.
All definitions lead to Confidence.
Interesting…. Confidence in Hebrew: Batach
Greek: Peitho verb To Persuade
To be persuaded.
To believe
To listen to, to obey, to yield to, to comply with
TRUST
To trust in The Lord and lean not (support oneself)
To trust in myself, build on my strengths, learn from my weakness.
To trust in my relationships, believe the best in others.
To trust the journey, the road will rise up to meet me
To NOT trust in performance, perfection, perspectives, primes or prizes.
To NOT trust in ability, acceptance, attitudes, alternatives or achievement.
But to spend 2014 trusting, trusted, learning to trust, being a trustee. It's scary, but as Ann said Fear is the First Step of Faith. Let me be found being faithful. Amen!
So it's one of those mornings where I have a stretch of silence. I catch up on some reading. I check Facebook to find a number of new posts. Blogs I follow.
Ann Voscamp is one such blog. I don't know where I've been that I didn't hear about her until this summer. But I found her! And her words speak to the soul of me, in ways that I've needed to hear (I think) all my life. She's the girlfriend, she's the Titus 2 woman
Her Blog today is: How To Move Forward Into A New Year when you feel like you failed last year
"What if everyone is making New Years Resolution and you just want New You Solutions" "Sometimes you can hardly trust your legs, trust turning and taking the next step" "Falling Apart? Fall into What.Ever.Comes.Next FORWARD!" "Fearful? Forward!"
And in that blog is this one, well several links, but his is the one I read: Fear's the first step of faith
"The things in my life that require faith are the things that terrify me"
"Fear offers two routes: Flee or Faith. High tail-it or Trust"
I go back to the first post and read her "footnotes" below which leads me to this blog: What the New Year Needs Most A Blog about naming your year. A name for your year. Interesting. I haven't heard of this concept. I read on. She talks about euchristeo and names her new year koinonia. Greek words. I love greek words. How they get right to the heart of the matter. No need to wonder if it's there, they're or their. Nope. The greek is straightforward. This word means this and (generally) only this and in the event it means something else, the root word for that something else is clear and certain.
I flip back to Facebook. More posts. More blogs. Sarah Bessey (another writer/blogger I found through blog hopping) posts something interesting. Something I hadn't seen before. SheLovesMagazine. Wow, what a great organization! What a wonderful community!! Wow! I kept reading and reading and reading. Wow! And come to yet another One Word blog.
The part that resounded with me is "the underlying message (of making resolutions) seems to be who I am right now isn't making the cut"
A to-do list of life for the next year. And sure we all want to lose weight, be intentional, save money, say no, recycle, unplug, eat healthier, save the world….the truth of the matter is we make the lists to feel better, to be enough. Stop with the lists!
And that brings me to this OneWord365
I read through the suggested list:
Imagine, Different, Push, Celebrate, Believe, Thrive, Relentless, Finish, Transformation, Learn, Reduce, Grace, Today, Confidence, Health, Purpose, Unstoppable, Enjoy, Truth, Generous, Soar, Commit, Forward, Awake, Change, Focus, Invest, Peace, No, Fortitude, Empower, Curious, Direction, Opportunity, Embrace, Present, Ambition, Growth, Connect, Perspective, Persistence, Stewardship, Strength, Action, Adapt, Progress, Adventure, Selah, Mindfulness, Appreciate, Create, Optimism, Breathe, Integrity, Uplift, Simplify, Freedom, New, Rebuilding, Joy, Courage, Momentum, Trust, Reflection, Possibility, Sacrifice, Relax, Organize, Pause, Be, Listen, Ignite, Determined, Balance, Silence, Release, Faith, Resolve, Together, Dare, Revel, Love, Minimize, Discover, Choose, Diligence, Brave, Risk, Open, Transition, Slow, More, Shine, Live, Write, Battle.
All of these words are good. Good words. I like several of them. I should pick several of them. I'm tempted to pick one per month! But that's not the point of the exercise. I need to focus. Draw down. Narrow my thoughts down to one that frightens me a bit. I do many of these words. Am many of these words. What's the word that I'm not? That doesn't come easily?
Trust. The passage that comes to mind is Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path.
The Hebrew word is Batach, a verb, To Trust.
To Trust In
To have confidence
To be bold
To be secure
The Greek word is Elpizo, a verb, to hope.
To wait for salvation with joy and confidence.
Root Word: Elpis
Expectation of good, of hope
Joyful and confident expectation of salvation
The author of hope, of He who is it's foundation
A thing hoped for
Noah Webster defines it as:
Confidence, a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship or other sound principle of another person.
You can find Noah's Dictionary here.
All definitions lead to Confidence.
Interesting…. Confidence in Hebrew: Batach
Greek: Peitho verb To Persuade
To be persuaded.
To believe
To listen to, to obey, to yield to, to comply with
TRUST
To trust in The Lord and lean not (support oneself)
To trust in myself, build on my strengths, learn from my weakness.
To trust in my relationships, believe the best in others.
To trust the journey, the road will rise up to meet me
To NOT trust in performance, perfection, perspectives, primes or prizes.
To NOT trust in ability, acceptance, attitudes, alternatives or achievement.
But to spend 2014 trusting, trusted, learning to trust, being a trustee. It's scary, but as Ann said Fear is the First Step of Faith. Let me be found being faithful. Amen!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
The One Where I Follow Along
So me and my fellow bloggers have spent the past 25 days being thankful. And it will continue for 5 more days. For me it's not the random, thankfulness. My family, my friends, my belongings. I don't know where I've been that I just heard of Ann Voskamp this year and her amazing book One Thousand Gifts, but it happened.
I thought, yea I'd like to read this book. It looked good. It's not fiction and well y'all know that I'm not like my other blogging girls, I don't read much. I'm not in a book club, oh my, the thought of a book club makes me stressed out. Reading with a time limit.... I seriously might be breaking out in hives right.now!
Anyway, I found her blog from another blog, and saw her book and then read some reviews. Because I'm not an avid reader. I'm excited to say I've read two books this year! So I read the reviews to, ya know, sway me from reading her book. But I saw her book at HPB one day and got all giddy I set out to read it. Eeeeek... 5 more days of November left and I'm not finish and she has another book out that I want to read in December!
Anyway, it's a great book about living in the moment. Right now. What can you find to be grateful for, where you are in the mundane. In Dinner and Dishes and Diapers. In the hard, In things seen out your window, In things Sweet, Salty and Sipped, In things Handmade, Held and Happy, In things Silent, In things Golden, In Things Ugly, In things Beautiful, In All Things....
I Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice Always
Pray Without Ceasing
Give Thanks In All Circumstances
This is about Blogs I Follow, aside from fitness/running blogs. Since this month is about Thankfulness. I want to take this time to give thanks for these ladies who I don't know in person, feel like I've known my whole life. Laugh with, Cry with. If I'm honest, Laugh at, Envy just a tad, they write beautifully, witty, inspiring, they write the words that are in my head!
I have a board on Pinterst called Following....Blogs Worth Reading.
I have these ladies:
Jen Hatmaker I "met" through my Triple S Blogger Sarah. She posted a link on Facebook, I read it and fell in love with her! Her openness, her hilarity, her spiciness.
I don't remember which blog exactly Sarah posted that I latched onto, but I liked her on Facebook and well, I've enjoyed the journey ever since.
This blog is where I found Ann VosKamp. And had to find out what she meant by "what would Ann VosKamp do"?
She and Ann are part of a thing coming up in February that I'm soooo excited for called:
The IF Gathering If God is real, then what?
If you're read here a while and if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you know that I'm on Instagram. Probably more than the other two mediums. That's how I found Amanda. I'm not sure exactly how I found She Reads Truth. I think I was looking for a devotional to read and looked up under the New tab on YouVersion and saw She Reads Truth. Maybe I saw something on Instagram. I dunno. It's been nearly a year. January 2013 I did my first SRT Study. Wow. Everyone is so... So Good. Speaks right to the heart of the matter. It's like sitting down with a girlfriend.
Anyway, on Instagram in September I started seeing all these #31days hashtags and talk of blogs and this exciting buzz about blogging about 1 topic for 31 days. I'm sure I've always known Amanda has a blog. I mean really in this day and age, doesn't everyone have a blog. I mean I have two! Really more than that but I'm trying to consolidate my blogs into one ....er.... two places. Not all my topics are running worthy and I have another blog for that.... those thoughts or craziness!
Amanda posted her blog and I fell into a must.have.more! Wish.she.was.my.neighbor! We.would.drink.lots.of.coffee! Kind of thing. Love her blog. She seriously hits it. And it's really just her life, but I feel like I'm living it with her. I'll be honest, I didn't at first think I'd have much in common with her (she has small people, twins infact. I have teenagers, well that's the main difference, we're in difference seasons), except SheReadsTruth (duh?! how did I just figure out she's a writer at SRT) and coffee. Oh but isn't that enough! Yes, yes it is!
Her topic was 31 Secrets Moms Keep, hmmmm, sounded good. Some of her posts were funny, Some where insightful, Most were down to the bones honest.
Posts like:
There you have it.... my thankful Pin Up! I'm thankful for these ladies, who speak truth, help me laugh, feel normal that I'm oh so not normal and encourage me to keep on the journey. Life like running is a journey. There are easy days, hard days, days of sprints, long days, days you don't want to repeat, days you wish would go on forever!
It's in the journey you figure out who are you, what you're pace is, where you need to be challenged, and what techniques don't work for you.
Enjoy The Journey.
Count Your Blessings, They are gifts.
It's No Secret, Motherhood is Hard.
Find Your Spicy, Don't Look Back (or at the Sweet)
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
#shereadstruth Day 18 Where is your treasure?
When I read this it reminded me of Idol Worship. I heard a great sermon on this tis year, these are my notes on No Other Gods.
God starts with Himself. Command one.
God starts with Himself. Command one.
No other gods before the One True God.
God begins with the root of the issue. Idolatry
I AM. Reminding them.
Because we're a forgetful people. He just parted the sea. Brought water out from a rock. Manna from heaven.
But God knows the tendency of the human heart to wander.
An idol is anything/one that our heart wanders to. Idolatry is the pursuit of that idol.
1. We all struggle with idolatry
Don't worship the things that are already there. But also DO NOT make anything either.
God wants NOTHING to compete for the spiritual attention of his people.
Exodus 20 is the first time the bible uses these words. Idol worship.
Israelites are in a perpetual pattern of worshipping god, turning from god, turning back.
2. We needs to identify our idols.
Idol: anything our heart wanders to. Idolatry. Is the pursuit of that thing.
Idols are not bad things that enslave us without our permission that we voluntarily give ourself to.
Questions:
What's your greatest fear?
Poverty
Loneliness
Single hood
You're idol is the thing you put your faith in to calm your fear that IS your idol.
Where do you run for comfort in troubling times?
Alcohol
Drugs
Sex
Shopping
If loneliness is my fear - friends become our idol.
What do you complain about the most?
Boss
Bank account
Kids
Spouse
What causes you to be angry with God?
We get angry with God when He doesn't give us our idols.
He refuses to fashion the golden calf
If you could have anything what would it be?
And have you gotten what you really wanted and had the joy ended moments after receiving it? Moments!!
All things are good as long as it directs our heart toward God. Even a really good cup of coffee. :)
If your fire has dwindled to embers then you have an idol.
Idolatry keeps us from the fruit of the spirit. When the idol is in place you gravitate toward the works if the flesh.
3. God is concerned about idolatry for a good reason. We will become like our idols.
2 kings 17:15.
They became the things they worshipped.
The idols were worthless and they became worthless.
Our lives should be built on becoming like Christ.
Psalm 56:3
What you fear reveals what you value the most. What you fear reveals where you trust God the least
What do you value.
1. Family/relationships
2. Money
3. Safety
4. Acceptance by family, friends, outsiders
What do you fear?
Loss of family/relationships, acceptance, money
In order to face the what ifs of fear you must acknowledge your fear (name your idols) and choose to trust God.
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