The One Where It's Not About Merit

I didn't study for my blog this week. I commented on the SRT devotional, these are my comments; I decided to share them here.

 

Wednesday: Jonah Chapter 3: 5-10, 1 Timothy 1: 15-16

 

I'm a little late to the Jonah study. It's been an interesting few weeks. But sisters I'm here to tell you. GOD IS FAITHFUL!! School situation: worked out smoothly. Work situation. Well, working out, but I received confirmation yesterday that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. God is good! 

By the looks of my bible I haven't studies Jonah all that much. I have two notes. I've watched veggie tales more than I've spent time in these four chapters. But what I do have is awesome. 

Grace: an unobligated giver giving something remarkable to the undeserving. 

I know this is chapter 3. But my notes on 2:7-9 says God uses the defeated to do great things!  (This is something I need to hear, often.  Because I feel so defeated and unqualified). 

I love how chapter 3 begins with... Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time..... Doesn't it always?  A 2nd time, a 20th time, a 245th time, a 2,764th time, or Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes times a year! 

Thank you Rebecca, I have new notes in my bible. :) repentance is about what God is doing, NOT about merit! 

Because I've begged to differ with our brother Paul on who's the chiefest, I feel often times that I have more feathers in my headdress than he does.  I like Paul, understood rules, and followed them (mostly).  I like Paul, have held cloaks while bludgeoning others with "the gospel rules"  Thinking of myself much higher and mightier because I'm a Christian, look at me, I go to church, I read by bible, I listen to only Christian music loudly so others can hear it, I follow rules.

I don't know how to say this other than to say it. I've felt the nudging to confess something to y'all for a while. Not because I need to confess it, but because someone needs to hear it. Because repentance isn't about merit. It isn't about earning your way into grace. No matter what you've done or what you will do, if you are in Christ there is therefore no condemnation. 

If we think gouging eyes out is bad, well then I'm going straight to hell. And I used to believe that, all day, every day, begging for Gods forgiveness. I'd read my bible. I'd try to be a good church lady, you know the kind that are so full of The Lord that they practically float instead of walk, I prayed for hours, I went to church, I watched church on television. I listened to church on the radio. Because I desperately wanted grace and mercy.  I wanted to live in the Freedom that others talked about. Even if that means I sit in the corner and wear the dunce hat in heaven. Maybe if I was good enough I'd get to touch the hem of His robe? Or like Moses (my fellow murderer) I'd get glimpse of His back? 

My former life can be described like this: 

 

Sex, drugs, rock n roll and 2 abortions later. 

  

Yeah. I said the A word out loud. And I've spent years idolizing condemnation because I didn't believe that forgiveness, that grace or mercy was for me. Then I took a class called Forgiven and Set Free, then I taught it for several years. And The Light started to come on.  (a new study is out now called Surrender The Secret and a video about it is here and if that weren't enough the phone number is 1-866-482-LIFE)

 

I encourage you to surrender the secret today, to someone, freedom is yours! I promise! Email me, or call the number above, find a study near you. 

 

Sisters, I say sisters because the statistic is 1 in 4 women have had an abortion, all women, not "those women" all women in North America, yes "church women" too. There's more than 4 of us here, I can't be the only one!

Sisters, do not wait years or another moment in the corner with the dunce hat on!! First off, that's my corner! J/K I'll share it! I welcome the company of the Forgiven and Set Free! Forgiveness is for You! Today! Right Now! Walk in the Freedom Christ died to give you! It Is For Freedom Christ Set You Free! 

It's not about your merit. It's not about what you can do or what you have done. It's not about how far you can run.  It's about His Grace! Receive it today!

 

Thursday:  Jonah Chapter 4: 1-11

 

I like the notes in my bible. I like it that someone said to me recently that my bible is the biggest bible they've ever seen. Ha! I think they must be a young person.... Bless them. ;) 

It's an ESV study bible. The notes on Jonah are so good. The theme of Jonah it says is: The Lord is a God of boundless compassion not just for "us" (Jonah and the Israelites) bur also for "them" (the pagan sailors and Ninevites). Pierced. (My words not the theme) 

I've been such an "us" and "them" Christian for so long. Not because I want to keep others out. It's that like Jonah, I've been prideful of my "status" wondering why God has mercy on "them" I mean really, why isn't "Nineveh" burning down yet? 

Ugh. God forgive me!!! 

I think for a while, although I was prideful, I was also ashamed of the gospel, because I do have compassion for others to the point of weeping. But I don't want them to see that. That makes me a cry baby for Jesus without any real substance of why I believe.

 

So I take the hard core theological route, well that makes me a lunatic. And if I were just real and authentic, people might see that I have chinks in the armor, it might expose my soft underbelly and I could be hurt. And I've been hurting for a long time.

Then I realized the kind of "hurt" God is calling me to isn't the kind I'd experienced in the past. He promises to take care of these things when I live authentically. 

At the IF:Gathering. Jen Hatmaker said something that stuck with me. 

Clue #1 that your life is off mission. It is costing you NOTHING! 

For a long time it's cost me nothing. Serving safe people and blessing blessed people. It's time to make the three day journey to Nineveh! Amen!!

I hope that the only thing burning is my desire for God and that it causes flames to erupt everywhere I go!  Not because of me but become of Him!

Repentance is about what God is doing, Not about Merit!

The One Where I Love Mercy {#shesharestruth}

2 Samuel 24: A Test of David.

So, God is angry with Israel.  He tests David.  And you'd think that David fails, but there's a bigger story here.

David says let's count the people (my army).  His commander says, I dunno David, that doesn't seem like a good idea.  David insists.  They count.  Ten months later, David says I have sinned greatly in what I've done.  But now Lord, please take away the iniquity of your servant, for I have done "very foolishly"

Isn't this the case?  We have this brilliant idea and we fight tooth and nail to bring it about and then we feel it, we feel the distance, the parched soul, the pierced heart, the anguish.

Psalm 38 A Psalm of Remembrance.

The depths of despair.  I've been there. For what I've done, what others have done, for circumstances seemingly out of my control, proceeded by that silent cry, that gut wrenching, doubled over, so ugly there's no sound crying to God.  There is no soundness in my flesh.

God gives David three choices:
Three years of famine
Three months of enemies pursuing him
Three days of pestilence in the land

David says:  I am in great distress. Let us fall into the hand of the Lord, for his mercy is great, but let me now fall into the hand of man.

I read a book on this called The Holy Wild by Mark Buchanan.  I have nothing much to say about Psalm 38/2 Sam 24 than what he writes:

David knew where to rest.  He would run to God every time.  David knew that in God's hands, he might be crushed, but he'd be safer there than anywhere.  In God's hands, the breaking of the bone and the mending of it, the making of the wound and the healing of it, come joined.  God's mercy might be severe.

BUT IT NEVER CEASES TO BE MERCY! 

Always, let me fall into The Hands Of God!  To LOVE MERCY.  God Himself loves it.

A. W. Tozer said, put a lock on His wrath, but a hairy trigger on His mercy.

You've heard me talk about my heavenly dunce hat.  That's the hat I wear when I forget about mercy.  When I remember, like David, the things I've done, the pain I've experienced.  It's the one where I sit like a two year old in time out with my head down but my eyes scanning the room for a glimpse of Parental mercy.  You know the look.

I know the mercy is there, why don't I remember where to rest? Why don't I run to God every time? Why do I run ahead? Count the people (build an idol)? Am left with choices.

1) continue running ahead
2) wear the dunce hat
3) Love Mercy

Let me pull the hairy trigger of Mercy!!  BANG!   Let it penetrate my heart.  Let it be the lifter of my head that says "Let me fall into the Hand of God, for His mercy is great! 

AND NEVER CEASES TO BE MERCY!