The One Where I {link up} for Five Minute Friday - Friends

What a great topic.  

I'd say I have a lot of friends.  It's odd that at this stage in life I can say that.  I'm a runner and I'm a part of 3 running clubs so I know a lot of people.  But I only have 3 - 4 really good friends. 

Kat - I met her a small bible study group.  She stood up for me at my wedding.  We've been friends ever since.  I talk to her at least weekly.  We attend church together, eat together, run together, do life together, drink A LOT of coffee together!   I love her.  I love her like I love my sister.  Except she's like my older sister.  And as the oldest in my family, it's a treasure to have an "older sister".   She is beautiful and better yet, we share clothes and shoes and purses!!   She talks me off of the ledge when I'm just about over it about non sense and life.  We pray together and cry together.  Because I know her; I will be forever changed.  We were meant to be together.  She gets me.  She doesn't judge my craziness, she just loves me.  

Jen - although she's moved out of state now, I still talk to her weekly, sometimes daily.  We have children born a month apart.  Our kiddos have similar struggles, as do she and I.  We became fast friends when we met in Sunday School; 9 years ago.   She's taught me so much!  So much.  Like "everything's gonna be okay" particularly with my kiddo.  She's the first person who I met whose child has the same issue as mine.  I don't know how I would have gotten through elementary school without her!  If anything can get this momma to melt down it's her kiddo struggling in school life.  He struggles a lot, so melting down is common place around here.   And she listens to me rage against the machine!  And runs with me, and prays with me, and drink coffee with me, and does life with me.   My life is forever changed because I know her.  And she knows me.  She Knows Me!

My Runner Girls - they see my struggles, they pick me up, they encourage me, they push me, they believe in me.  We are a group of women with similar struggles, lives, goals.  The running keeps us going, but it's the life we're doing together that keeps us together.   It's the meals that show up at your door when you've come home from the hospital, it's the text that says "hey we missed you today, is everything okay." It's the understanding that today, not matter what's going on, we're gonna leave it all on the pavement.   We walk together, talk together, run together, grow together, encourage one another, cheer for one another, push, pull and carry one another to the start line of races and across the finish line… of life.  They believe in me when I don't.  And there's plenty of times I don't.  They believe in me anyway.  Encourage me anyway.  They know I'm capable of way more…. and push me to rise to the occasion!  Bless Them!!  They also like coffee, so there's that too!  :) 

It hasn't always been so… I haven't always had good friends.  I've struggled with acceptance and accepting.  But I've learned so much being in relationship with these women.  And drank many cups of coffee!! :) 

The One Where I Run To Tarshish

Lately I don't know which end is up.  I'm working a new job that I really like but also feel very inadequate at.  It's part time and although I'm five weeks in, I've only worked about 70 hours. I feel as though I should already know everything and be proficient at it and I'm not.  I'm constantly having conversations with my boss about the small things that are going wrong.

This is discouraging.  

I don't think I've ever had this many conversations in my entire working career about how many things aren't going well in less than two weeks of work.  But because I've been there five weeks, it seems as though I should be rolling along okay.

I've made two major mistakes.  I don't know how to handle them.  I want to quit.  I want to give up.  Maybe you can't teach old dogs new tricks.

The She Reads Truth gals are in Jonah right now.  This is what I wrote on their comments yesterday:

First an update: The school situation is better, I hope. The meeting went well. Thank you to this community for encouraging me. 

Second: fix one leak in the dam another place springs a leak. My job is just all kinds of crazy, I feel inadequate. I had many reservations about taking this job and now I feel like all those reservations were correct. I don't know how to handle it. There are several things that have come up that I honestly don't want to handle and like Jonah… 

I. Want. To. Run. Please God let me run. Let me say all of my excuses and run. I don't want to do this, I don't want to face this. I want to run. It's not about mercy, it's about fear right now. I'm scared I can't do this and I can't do it well. I'm worried about the relationships this affects. I got the job through my sister who is a client of my boss…. I just want to run. 

I'm not angry with her and God knows she could use a witness to tell her about God's Mercy. She deserves it. I have no qualms about that… I'm not asking for hellfire and brimstone on her….. But oh how I want to run from this. I don't feel peace about staying and I have less peace about quitting. I'm also not too interested in being swallowed up by a whale…. but running seems like a good option right now. 

Lord Jesus…. help me through this! I'm definitely sinking in the sand, on the waves, too far from the shore where it's not safe. 

Maybe I will rue the day I said: 
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders 
Let me walk upon the waters 
Where ever you would call me 
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander 
And my faith will be made stronger 
In the presence of my Savior. 

So I will call upon your name……

My word for the year is Trust.  I don't know how to do that right now.  I'm not sure what that looks like right now.  I have notes in my bible that say:  The definition of love is to know someone's needs and meet them.  So how do you love God?  Trust.

I definitely feel as though my trust is without borders right now.  My calling is silent.  To fearful to go forward, to embarrassed to go back.   Questioning, do I really want stronger faith?  But I'm sinking.

I. am. sinking 

 

I realize this isn't a devotional or a teaching on Jonah.  But this is how I've felt lately.  I wrote this yesterday while I was in the throws of feeling like I couldn't face the day.  I had a few things happen yesterday that tells me God Is Still Faithful.  As if I had doubts about it.   But don't we I?


Today I'm still shaky and trying to get my sea legs, but I think it's probably not the best idea to "flee from the presence of the Lord".  Maybe I should get comfortable in the belly of the whale; the storm is coming, or rather I'm experiencing it.  I'm in it.  Do I throw myself into the sea?  Do I trust that God has "prepared a great fish" for me?  (the girl with the dunce hat on?)

It doesn't have to be a great fish, I only need to know that God Is Prepared!