The One Where I'm Surrounded.

Lately I've had conversions that are laced with tears and anxiety. Fear and worry.  But a new thing has happened.....

I'm part of a community that surrounds me with Truth, a soft place to land, encouragement for the journey, an ear, a shoulder to cry on, space to fall apart and people who don't recoil about it. 

I've had more than one person tell me I've inspired them. To keep going, don't give up. That they believe in me when I don't believe in myself.... Or anything.

Some of these people I've known for years, some for a few years, others only on line. 

This blog post from Amanda at SheReadsTruth http://shereadstruth.com/2014/10/14/stand/ really helped me to see I'm not alone and I've been trying my hardest to 'hold it together'.  This life, these kids, this marriage, this job, these chores, piles of laundry and dishes and things undone. 

I am undone and I'm finding out that undone is okay, I'm not holding it together. :)  

There at people and texts and phone calls and emails and meetings for coffee that tell me I don't have to hold it together. And it's not what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to be in community. Sometimes that means surrounding others and other times it means being surrounded. 

Thankful I'm surrounded today. :) 

#shereadstruth Day 15

James Study:

More Grace                        Free                   Watches
Proud                                 Open                  Sojourners
Humble                              Lifts                    Upholds
The LORD                        Loves


We are wanderers, faithless, striving, controlling, doubters, idolators, sinners, fighters, takers.

BUT GOD - my favorite phrase in the bible….

I have to start over….every day, every hour, every minute….   Submit, Resist, Draw Near, Be Cleansed (receive grace) Humble Before the Lord.

More: Megas adj.  Greater.
Used of intensity and its degree of splendor, prepared on a grand scale.

Root 1: Megistos adj. Greatest, very great, exceedingly great.
Root 2: Meizon  comparative  Greater.  Larger.  Stronger.

Grace: Charis noun.

1. that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm

2. Good, well, loving kindness, favor - of the merciful kindness by which God, exerting His Holy influence up on souls, turns them to Christ.
* Keeps Them
* Strengthens Them
* Increases Them in faith, knowledge and affection

3. The spiritual condition of one governed by the power of divine grace.

Proud Hyperephanos adj.
Showing ones self above others.  Overestimate of ones means or merits.  Despising others. Treating them with contempt.  Haughty.

Referece: Proverbs 3:24 in Septuagint.  But in the Hebrew it's not proud but scoffer.

He scoffs at the scoffer, yet He gives grace to the afflicted.

Scoff: luwts verb
To scorn, make mouths at, talk arrogantly, to mock, to boast, to be inflated.

Affliced: anav noun
Poor, humble, afflicted, meek, needy, lowly

Humble: tapeinos adj.
Lowly in spirit

The Lord: Covenant God.

Free: nathar verb
Unfasten, loosen, set free, unbind.

Open: paqach verb To open the eyes specifically.

Lifts: zaqaph verb
used only twice
To raise up - all those bowed down.

those who are bowed down:
Kindred to one being hollow or arched.
Hebrew: Hollow

Watches: shamar verb
To keep, to guard, to keep watch & ward. To Protect, Save life.

Sojourner: Get noun
A temporary inhabitant.
A newcomer lacking inherited rights.

Root: guwr verb
Abide, dwell, inhabit, to be a stranger, to be continuing - surely.

Upholds: uwd verb
To Surround
To go round and round
To restore, relieve


But He gives more grace:
Very great loving kindness.

Treat others better than yourself…. don't treat them with contempt.
Don't mock others or be arrogant.

Get yourself back to your appointed place. See Day 12

Although you journey, continue on, surely.  The Lord keeps watch over you, protects you, saves you.
Stop all this striving, it's just one foot in front of the other, sometimes it's rocky, but keep going.  You are restored, you are supported, there is hope.  Keep on expecting good.

#shereadstruth Day 12

My thoughts before I get into defining the words that stuck out for me today:

The only way to resist is by submitting to God.  Drawing near.   Humble yourself before God. Get in your appointed place, the wing, the cleft of the rock, hemmed in, in the shadow of the Almighty.   Withstand, continue on safe and sound.  Draw near, join together (have the mind of Christ 1 Cor 2:16)  with God in your place and position, Likewise God will position Himself to you.
This is how you have "clean hands" "purified heart" This is not a work of our own but of the Holy Spirit.

Submit: hypotasso - Verb Arrange Under (yea, that's helpful)  I generally defer "all things submission to Rachel Evans.

I find it interesting that in the verse prior the greek uses the word Humble: Tapeinos Adj. Lowly in Spirit

Then in verse 10 uses Humble again.  But in Verse 7 "Submit yourself to God"

Root 1: hypos - by or under
Root 2: tasso - to put in order, to appoint.

Resist: anthistemi - Verb  Withstand. Resist. Oppose (or benadryl, sounds like antihistamine)

Root 1: anti  Over, Against, Opposite
Root 2: histemi   To cause, to make to stand. To make firm, fix, established.

I like definition #3 To continue safe and sound.  To stand unharmed.

For me, many times I get all heebee jeebee'd out when I read these tests… resist the devil, stand against the schemes, withstand in the evil days…  I feel powerless and a little scared.

Draw Near:  eggizo - Verb  To bring near.  To join one thing to another, to approach

Root: eggys Near of place and position.

Those who are near access to God.

Cleanse: Katharizo - Verb  To make clean.
In a moral sense:
1. free from defilement
2. to purify from wickedness
3. to free from guilt of sin

All things I'm incapable of.

Purify: hagnizo Verb  1. Ceremonially.  To make pure, purify, cleanse. 2. Morally

Root: hagnos adj.   Definition 2. Pure:
1. Pure from carnality, chaste, modest
2. Pure from every fault, immaculate
3. Clean

All things that I am not able to do.  Pure from carnality? Pure from every fault? Immaculate? Please, even my house isn't immaculate.  Let alone my mind, my heart, my soul, my spiritual life.

But when I am humble, our good friend Noah describes it as:

A deep sense of unworthiness in the sight of God.

That I am, have, can be.   When I'm in my appointed place, in the wing, cleft, shadow; resisting is okay, not scary.  I can withstand, continue on safe and sound.  Draw near, approach.  It's ok because I'm clean and pure through grace.   Yes I have a sin nature.  I am not the sin.  I mess up, every day, every hour, minute.   But I know I can approach the throne of grace with confidence. (Heb 4:16)  Receive wisdom without judgment.  Speak life (if only for a moment), before I mess up again, starting the process all over again.  And that's life.  The journey. The lessons learned.

Grace and Peace to you (and me)

Some thoughts along the way

Was posting with a friend back and forth about this being a journey. its a journey not a destination. That is what this lifestyle is....when you get down to it, that is what LIFE is. 

You can't (ok, well you can, i can, we all can) live from destination to destination. We can all live by the "I'll be happy when...." bone. But why? Why will you be happy in the future? Why not be happy today! It's Happiness, not Happen-ness, right. I don't mean gleeful, I mean content. 

I heard someone say this one time and its stuck with me. "Its simple, not always easy." 

Being happy today, its simple for me to say. Not always easy to live out. I think, well I'll speak for me. I used to live by "destination." By the "I'll be happy when" bone. Ya know the "wish bone". 

I'll be happy when: 

I'm married 
have kids 
change jobs 
retire 
move 
have ____ $$ 

I'll be happy when my kids are outta diapers, walk, talk, can dress themself, feed themself, stop fighting with their brother, start school, get outta school!! 


I'll be happy when I'm 30, 40, 50. 

Oooh how about this....I'll be happy when I'm _______ pounds! When I fit into ____ size. 

Again, why be happy (content) in the future? Why not today? For me it was because I lived by destinations. 

I'm not Noah Webster (yes he really had a first name and an actual purpose for his book google Noah Websters 1828 Dictionary) But here are my definitions of Destination and Journey: 


A destination is where you pack your bags with all your baggage (and I don't mean leather suitcases with wheels or anything else), old junk, old stuff, old you, old everything. You go to your "destination" spot, have a good time, eat too much, drink too much, relax a bit, get sunburned, purchase souveniers (which will be baggage someday) to take back with you to allllll your old stuff. 

A journey is much different. Cuz you leave your "stuff" at the docks. Maybe you take a backpack, but otherwise, its just you, putting one foot in front of the other to the place where you become and when you get to where you "become" you continue on the journey, because becoming isn't a destination. 

Becoming: here i'll get a little bit "greek" on ya! In the greek they have interesting grammar. One part is a present active imperitive (meaning of uncertain affinity), its like this "I see and I keep on seeing." It doesn't stop. Its not on a "walk/run" program, its only running. 

I become and I keep on becoming, taking each change of the road on. The highs the lows, the turns, the rest stops, the places with no decent bathroom, the bumps, the hills, the valleys, the intercestion where the light is too long, the stretch of the road where I put it on cruise control and turn up the radio! Its all a journey. Enjoy your journey to becoming. :)