The One Where I Choose A Word 2017 edition

Although I've continued to choose a word or a phrase to focus my thoughts on during the year, like making a resolution, I haven't updated the word or my thoughts in subsequent years.

2014 - Trust

2015-  Progress (not perfection)
2016 - Hope and Worth

On an odd day in December as I read The Greatest Gift and listened to Pandora a familiar favorite, what I consider to be a comfort song.  Hope Now by Addison Road played.

If everything comes down to love

Then just what am I afraid of

When I call out your name

Something inside awakes in my soul

How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own

I've been carried by You
All my life 

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow

When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free 

When my life is like a storm

Rising water all I want is the shore
You say I'll be okay

And make it through the rain
You are, my shelter from the storm

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now

Everything rides on faith somehow

When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free 

You've become my heart's desire
I will sing your praises higher 

Cause your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

I needed that comfort on that odd day.  It was the salve for wounds that still require healing, scabbed over places not exactly closed.   In that moment, there was hope.  Hope now.  And it's true, everything rides on it.

Day 19 of The Greatest Gift has some poignant words that got right to the point, to the heart of the matter of the things that matter.

"We lose every single person we love. There is never another way.  Think about that too long and you find it hard to breathe.... Fear is always this wild flee ahead.

Olives fail.  People fail.  Dreams fail.  You feel like you fail.  A thousand things mount.  Somedays it's hard not to panic.  You can feel it - we are driven by the fear of failure.  For all our frenzied running around, could it be that we are actually fleeing - trying to escape all the fears? All this pain? All this failure?  We all live in these lives of quiet terror.  Of soundless, hidden grief.  You could just bow your head in the quiet and weep for all that isn't.  For all that you aren't.

In the barrenness of winter, Habakkuk offers this gift to always carry close:  rejoicing in the Lord happens while we still struggle in the now.   Struggling and rejoicing are not two chronological steps, one following the other, but two concurrent movements, one fluid with the other." (Chapter 19, Page 188-189, Ann Voskamp)  

and hope now plays in the background, if I listen closely, it has always played in the background of my life.

There is hope, now.  Hope in the now, in the present, for the future, for this life.  

HOPE.   A desire of some good, accompanied with at least a slight expectation of obtaining it, or a belief that it is obtainable.   Hope differs from a wish and desire in this, that it implies some expectation of obtaining the good desired or the possibility of possessing it.  Hope therefore always gives pleasure or joy; whereas wish and desire may produce or be accompanied with pain and anxiety.

Worth or Worthy

A few friends and I are reading Savor by Shauna Niequist.  It's a 365 devotional type book with recipes.  Recipes, Y'all!!  The type of recipes I refer to as "food of love".   Anyway, it begins with an entry January 1st; this paragraph jumped off the page at me.

"You have stories worth telling, memories worth remembering, dreams worth working toward, a body worth feeding, a soul worth tending, and beyond that, the God of the universe dwells within you, the true culmination of the super and the natural."

Worth.  Know it.  Know your worth.  Your desirability, excellence, importance, the weight of your intrinsic value, worthiness.

WORTH.   Value, that quality of a thing (a person) which renders it useful or which will produce an equivalent good in some other thing (or person).    Excellence. Dignity.  Value.  

The One Where I Review

Maybe it's too early to look back on 2015? I'm feeling rusty and it's only March 17!  Oh yea.  St. Patricks Day!  Ooops I'm not wearing green.

Although I wear it often enough.  Green with envy.   Like why can't I write like that, be funny like that, have a blog like that, be "that church lady" the one who seems to float on clouds and is kind to everyone she meets, be "that kind" of parent instead of #thatmom, have that kind of marriage, run a better race, figuratively and literally.

Instead I hobble along.... I have goals, lofty goals, maybe too many goals.  Perhaps it's more than I can realistically complete.    Now that I've left my job, perhaps I'll have better success at the "high-ness" of what I'd like to achieve.

In the book Goodbye Survival Mode, one I highly recommend, she encouraged you to look at the categories of your life and make goals based on those.  As well as time goals.

I'm pretty sure I didn't blog about my oneword for 2015.  But it's Progress (not Perfection).  I need to strive for progress because there's no road to perfection that doesn't leave me battered and worn.

Basic Goals:

Read More
Run More
Date More
Blog More

Breaking that down:

Read More:  The Bible In A Year, SRT Devotionals, 1 30-day book per month, 12 books

Run More: I'm on a team #HeySisterSoleSisters for the Run The Edge Challenge to run 2015 in 2015.  I've also decided not to race this year, but to get healthy and run better.  The Challenge keeps me focused without spending money on racing and really I'm just not that into it.   My Milage goal is 800 miles this year.  That's roughly 67 miles per month.

Date More: I'm not single so I don't mean "dating" but Dating Consistently.   Monthly date nights with my man.  One on one time with each of my kids.  Family Day with my siblings.  Meet my friends for coffee.   Hang out after runs.  Connect with the world around me.

Blog More:  The only way to blog more is to Blog More. It's not like I'm looking to make a career out of my thoughts, although that thought sounds nice.  It's that I need to talk about my kids, my family, my life.  I don't scrap book and I've never done well with keeping baby books filled out.  I journal, a lot, well I used to.  But now that I'm in that purging state of life... what I like to refer to as Clear The Clutter, Find A Life Worth Living.... so those boxes of journals in the attic need to go!  

There's only one thing left, Blog.

So how I am doing?  Well, I'm making progress.

Reading.  Weeeellll, I'm not exactly on Day XX in my bible in a year, but I've made it past Genesis!  I've read one 30-day book thus far.  I read SRT and occasionally participate in the forum.   I've read at least two books this year and three more books are in "process".

Run: Making Progress.  Not as much as I would like but Mother Nature hates me.  More accurately I dislike Old Man Winter.   Winter in Texas can be hit or miss.  Mild weather or ice, sleet, and snow.   This year was ice, sleet, snow and bitter cold  (for Texas).  And I just won't go out in it.  I.Just.Won't.

138 miles for the year.   Not where I'd like to be, but there's progress and Spring is coming!

Dating: Meh.  One Date Night, One Girls Night Out, Two Family Days, One Coffee Date, A few Hang Outs.  I'm making progress!


Blogs: Shrug.  There is room for improvement.  Lots of room.  This is my third blog this month!  My goal is 1 per week, per subject.  The One Where I... #iamTHATmom and Five Minute Friday


Which also brings me to less clutter.  I've been going through closets and boxes.  I'm purging around here.  I've made a lot of progress.  Things tossed, given away and shredded.  I literally have shredded paperwork from nearly 20 years ago!  Seriously, things have needed to be gone through and discarded.    I've taken multiple lawn and leaf bags to the recycle bins.   Progress for sure!

There's still more to do.  Clear more clutter.  Let go of more things that are holding us down. Shredding to be done.   Books to be read.  Miles to be run.  Dates to remember.  :)

Progress.  I like it.  :)

#SheReadsTruth - The Things Of This World

Oh how this speaks to my heart today.

For years (and I won't tell you it's not a struggle some days) I was scared of heaven. I think for me, it meant judgment (in my mind I compete with Paul for the chief sinner claim) It wasn't, isn't a love for the world so much as a distrust of heaven. Of my Heavenly Father. His goodness, plans, love, will, did I mention goodness? Or perhaps that His goodness isn't for me. It's for everyone else. 

Heaven is for everyone else. I'll sit in the corner with the dunce hat on. Love the world? I can't say no. Because I have a lot of fear of separation from it. Mostly from my family. My kids. My husband. (Who I won't be married to in heaven) 

As a bible snob, a Greek Freak, it's crazy (to me) that I've been really digging The Message (a challenge from my pastor) Nothing scholarly about it. I admit. But I'm seeing this precious word with new eyes. 

1 John 2: 15-17 Don’t love the world’s ways. Don’t love the world’s goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity. 

Love the worlds ways? No. Right? That's the answer. I do not. Love the worlds goods? No? Not quite so steady, sure. Love of the world? 

But when you say.... Want my own way... Want everything for myself (not everything, right, I can really see the semantics in this and thus be off the proverbial or prepositional hook). Wanting to appear important.... (Read: mans approval) ouuuuch! I certainly have fear of rejection and a longing for approval. 

How about this: 

Love of My ways. Love of My things/people/goods? Love of My world? I can't help but be pierced and indeed isolated. 

All of that is fading away, and I need to fade away with it. And run to Jesus. Because of the previous verses. 

12-13 I remind you, my dear children: Your sins are forgiven in Jesus’ name. You veterans were in on the ground floor, and know the One who started all this; you newcomers have won a big victory over the Evil One. 

My sins are forgiven. I KNOW the ONE who started all this.

I can let go of these ways, things, and world to cling to Jesus. Then wash rinse and repeat. Daily, or ya know hourly.  The clock keeps on ticking; and I have choices to make, today, right now, and the next moment, and hour, and day and week.  It's not a one time thought, but a (romans 12) renewing of the mind.  A metamorphosis that takes place.  Eventually the caterpillar becomes a butterfly.  Let's be honest though, some days I'd settle for a moth! 

The One Where I Watch the Superbowl and Say AMEN!

Bummer, all those high hopes for Peyton Manning and they were all shattered in the first 12 seconds of the game.  Wow.  It looked like the Broncos played that entire game in slow motion.   One bad play after the next.  One missed opportunity after the next.
It was painful to watch. Painful.

It would be nice to say that the commercials were funny, or even entertaining.  Nope.
The only one that stands out in my mind is the Doritos Time Machine Commercial. Cute.  Funny.  Original. 

Then you had the Doberuaua or whatever it was.... I can't even remember what it was advertising.

Budweiser usually has good commercials.  I liked the puppy one and the coming home one.

The Yogurt commercial was funny, off color, but funny!

Bob Dylan selling Chrysler? Can he sell anything? Even himself these days?

The Chevy commercial with the cows... that at least got a chuckle.

And then there's the Half Time Show.   I'll be honest.  I liked it.  But I like Bruno Mars and The Red Hot Chili Peppers.  I like music, all kinds. I appreciate music, all kinds.

Bruno was entertaining.  Clean.  Sang well.  Put on a good show.  His band is phenomenal.   Entertaining.  RHCP well they were entertaining too.  Clean.  Energetic.  Apparently not plugged in? They really sang, but didn't really play the instruments.  Odd.  Dare I say the Half Time Show was the best part of my day.  Okay that and the show before the preshow about the people who won tickets to the game.  Great stories.

As luck would have it there were all kinds of comments on the inter-web during the game, after the game, about the game, about the commercials, about the performances, about that painful slow death of the Broncos loss.   I don't think Peyton shouted Omaha one time.  Maybe that was the problem.  I dunno.

Driving home from work and school pick up line yesterday I heard a really good story about a Facebook response from Bart Miller, lead singer of Mercy Me.  Apparently he posted that he really liked the Half Time Show and thought Bruno Mars did a great job.   Then he was attacked, had he said it in person he may have been beaten by "Christians". Ugh.   I didn't see the original post, only his response.  And it is seriously awesome!

"Seriously I love you guys. I really do, but you've got to find a bigger cross to die on. If me saying Bruno's performance was awesome can instantly tear down my 20 years of ministry, then I've been doing something terribly wrong! Oh wait I have been doing something terribly wrong! I've lived most of my life as a legalistic, judgmental, religious person. Not anymore folks. I'm a huge fan of music regardless whether Bruno misuses it or not.

I'm a huge fan of sex, so is my wife...so is God by the way, regardless if the world abuses it.

I'm also a fan of the word of God REGARDLESS if some of you people twist it to make a point. In other words, I'm no longer living my life based on what people say or think about me. My plate's already pretty full adoring my wife and kids and relishing in the truth that there's nothing I can do great enough to make Christ love me more than he already does and I can't be bad enough to separate myself from the spirit that dwells inside.

So I'm gonna live life like I can't screw it up. I can screw "stuff" up...sure. And maybe some of you think I've screwed this post all up. Ha. But that's ok cuz grace works for even me. And as far as all of us being judged by our maker one day? That does not exist for the believer. There is and will never be any condemnation from Christ. When James talks about ministers or lead singers of Christian bands being judged more harshly. He ain't talking about in heaven. He's talking about being judged by the Jesus police who prowl Facebook waiting to pounce. Ha. So what do I mean when I say find a bigger cross to die on? Live life doing stuff that matters like finding rest knowing Christ has done the work for you! I'm telling you, when you truly taste grace, life is a freaking blast! To know a perfect messiah came so we can have imperfect moments, like my Bruno worship apparently, and still be ok may be the greatest news of all! Heck if I'd known all of this was gonna come out of what I posted, I would've posted "BRUNO MARS FOR PRESIDENT!"

I really appreciate you guys. I would not have spent 9 yrs writing this if I didn't.

Welcome To the New Bart"

All this Grammy and Superbowl talk and "averting ones eyes" and "in the world not of it" and Christians badgering their own kind like Pharisees, and living as it were segregated from the world.   Set apart doesn't mean segregated. 

Jesus didn't live his life segregated from the world he came to save.  He did call those out that lived segregated.  He lived in the world, he mingled, ministered to and medicated those around him.  Are we doing that? 

Do I know my neighbors or their needs?

I really great book that mentions some of this and has been in the forefront of my mind these days is Grace Based Parenting.  In the first chapter Dr. Tim Kimmel talks about  how we've segregated ourselves from the world.  We're our own subculture, parallel universe.  Yet our marriages aren't anymore sacred, our children are no more safe from abuse, teen pregnancy, abortion, drug addiction, pornography. 

Page 10, Chapter 1

"You'd think with all the resources that have been developed over the past forty years we'd have a little more to show for ourselves.  If we looked at where the Christian movement is on a grand scale, it demonstrates we've clearly left something out of the equation.  The Christian community in the US numbers in the multi-millions and is referred to as the "Christian Nation."  We've dedicated billions of dollars to our spiritual experience.  We have more brick and mortar commitments as well as professional paid personnel dedicated to the development of our Christian walk than any other nation.

Our churches are often an extension of our families' social needs to the point that many serve as evangelical country clubs.  We're created a parallel universe to the corrupted world system that provides all the amenities we want.  We have Christian bookstore, Christian radio, Christian television programming round the clock.  Christian concerts, Christian cruises, Christian vacation resorts.  We have our own school system, clothing lines and we have our own breath mints!

The irony is that the "secularization" of the non-Christian world has risen proportionately with our withdrawal from it.

This type of living is fear-based.  We're scared of Hollywood, the Internet, the school system, Halloween, the homosexual community, drugs, alcohol, rock n roll, rap, partying neighbors, unbelieving softball teams, liberals and Santa Clause!"

The absence of negative influences doesn't increase one's spirituality, the battle isn't on the things seen, but the things unseen.   We battle not against flesh and blood.......

The Message.  Ephesians 6: 13-18

^13-18 Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

For me this is where Trust comes in.  Trust the Lord with all my heart and lean not.  I Trust that God hasn't forgotten us.  We're not some third grade science project he put in the closet and forget about.  He's involved in our life, in this world, trusts His own plan, that its coming to fruition a little more, every day.  He's not shocked or shaken by The Grammy's or The Superbowl or The World He created. 

Just as he wasn't really asking for Adam's physical location when asking, "Where Are You?" He wasn't asking them their location, rather their condition.

What is your condition?  Whatever it is, you can Trust Him With It

The One Where It's Like Every Other Day... {#oneword365 Link Up}

I'm behind on many things....Like Blogging

I'm part of a link up group.  It's called Trusting Tuesday.... yeah, it's Friday. A week later from when that started.

I also forgot to give my kiddo funds for a Youth Gathering.

I've run around here frustrated about a variety of things.  Work, Household Things, Thankful Things (it's the 24th, I have 7-8 thankful things), Running Things (missed 5 runs this month).

This thing that appears to be an awesome opportunity that I just can't find peace about, is it fear or is it not for me?

But my word isn't Peace.
It's Trust.
And I feel that there are many things that have are falling into place as I Trust,
just pause every day and Trust

T - Thank Me (1000Gifts)
R - Read Me (The Bible, 12 books this year)
U - Use Me  (Where you need me)
S - Strengthen Me (To be the vessel)
T - Teach Me (To be poured out)

 

I've had many opportunities to trust this year.  Just Trust.  I don't have to understand it with my limited thoughts or earthly smallness. I only have to Let That Thing Go and Watch Him Perform on my behalf.

And in Letting It Go... things and stress and stuff out of my control (isn't all really though) and yea, we really live in this house and it probably won't look like a model home at least not while the kids are living at home.  And Lord knows I only have a few short years left.  little heart ache

here>

The Thanking and Reading and Using and Strength and Teaching, it's all leading somewhere and for now that somewhere isn't specific, but I know Trust it exists.

A break through with a group of Young Lives Mommas.

An interview that I'm excited about, interested in, looking for ways to Trust about.

A new and improved teenager, after a few weeks of counseling and some changes in our family goals, he's chatty and open and sharing, and well I'm a hopeful Momma.  My heart is full. 

Reading a new (to me) version of the bible, The Message, Remix, Bible In A Year. It's cool.  To be honest I've been a version snob for many years.  It's refreshing to read these familiar stories in new ways.  Before I know it this bible will be marked up.  I find myself using it for Bible Study.

Church is just awesome! I'm so glad we made the switch.  I'm getting bolder about asking people to come with us.  No one has showed up yet but I keep asking. Trusting.

 

I keep reading blogs. And She Reads Truth.  And reading my books.  I'm on Desperate's last chapters.  So Excited to have a book done and finish another one.  I have half read books all over the house!  Committed though to reading them!  I'm also open to book suggestions!  And find my second home at Half Price Books!

I keep Being Hungry and Thirsty and I find that in Trusting, I'm being Filled. 


In today's The Message was John 14, so familiar, read with new eyes today.  Read on to one of my favorite biblical commentaries Matthew Henry.

John 14:1 “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.

Commentary:
 Let not your  heart be troubled.  Christ took notice of it, observed it.  He is acquainted with all our secret undiscovered sorrows.  With the wounds that bleed inwardly.  He knows we are afflicted. How we are affected in affliction.  How near they lie in our hearts.  Jesus is cognizant of our troubles.  That we are overwhelmed.  He knows our souls in adversity.

The Remedy is Believe.  Greek: Pisteute
To have confidence. To Entrust.
Believe in God.  His Perfection. His Providence. His Principles.